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Is Mania a Spiritual Experience?

I was eighteen years old when I first experienced acute manic psychosis. I had just arrived at the University of Georgia for my freshman fall semester when I suddenly had what seemed like a profound spiritual awakening. I felt as if I was waking up from a bad dream, as if my mind and body were merely figments of my imagination. I felt an incredible transcendence and oneness with the universe, an experience I could only fathom to be spiritual. Back then, I didn’t know anything about bipolar disorder. 

My first thought upon being struck with this overwhelmingly blissful state was, “This is what God feels like; I must be Jesus!” It was from there that I began my deluded descent into madness. I ran upstairs in my dormitory, assuming that my friends would be my first disciples, and tried to perform miracles to prove my divinity. When they attempted to calm me down, I punched one of them in the face, calling him the devil, and ran back downstairs. Campus police promptly met me in the dorm lobby and arrested me on the spot. 

On my way to jail, I was no longer feeling so ecstatic. In fact, it was the most excruciating fear I had ever experienced. I began believing that the police officers were the Pharisees taking me to my crucifixion. They placed me in my own jail cell, and I began stripping off my clothes, demanding for the officers to come look at my naked body. Throughout the whole experience, I felt almost completely dissociated, as if I was watching a movie of myself with little to no control of the actor. 

After a few days of trying to convince my parents that I was returning humanity to the Garden of Eden, they realized my condition might not be from taking psychedelic drugs as they had thought. I was escorted to my local psychiatric hospital, and once medicated, came down from my messianic mission to create heaven on earth. The only problem was, I had never been more certain of God in my life, and the clinicians just kept telling me that it was normal for grandiose delusions to take on religious and spiritual themes. I was not convinced. 

My thoughts immediately went to the biblical stories I grew up with: how God tested Abraham’s faith when he was told to sacrifice his son, and how God communicated to Moses through a burning bush. Were these not examples of delusions and hallucinations? Even Jesus was convinced to be the Son of God. Were the holy men of the Bible bipolar? I had a lot of questions, and my questions seemed to be forcing me to choose one side or the other—either spirituality or psychiatry.

It took me about a decade to finally integrate both truths and find some peace around my manic episodes. I studied spirituality and psychology, and I came to the conclusion that bipolar disorder and spiritual experiences didn’t need to exist in opposition. I’ve come to some basic definition of spirituality as the transcendence of ego. In this sense, mania was indeed a spiritual experience, albeit an unmanageable one. This didn’t mean my bipolar diagnosis was bogus, and I’m not saying all psychotic episodes are spiritual. But I can now rest easy knowing that my experiences were both spiritual and bipolar. 

If I’m honest with myself, a major sign of my mania is increased spirituality, but at the same time, a major sign of my depression is a lack of spiritual significance. Finding balance in recovery means that I am able to seek both spiritual and clinical solutions to my bipolar symptoms without fear that I am falling out of grace with God. When I was first diagnosed, I had the idea that either bipolar existed or God existed. There was no space for both. 

My spirituality has necessarily evolved over the years. Because of my history with manic psychosis, I have to guard myself against dogmatic or superstitious beliefs. I try my best to live a life of love, and I rest assured knowing that the more kindness I spread to the world, the more aligned I am with my spiritual path. Telling my story of recovery has become part of this spiritual process. My faith means a great deal to my health, and without it, my recovery wouldn’t be as strong as it is today. I hope that by sharing my story, others going through the same difficulties might not take so long to make sense of their own experiences. 

Chris Cole is the author of The Body of Chris: A Memoir of Obsession, Addiction, and Madness, and he’s a life coach for people in recovery.


Thank you for this comment Billy. Especially that the heart chakra is the regulator of the others. I'm thinking that learning more ways of grounding myself is the only way forward for a balance through the manic feeling I have at the moment.

Thank you so much for this post. And thanks to all the other commenters. Both your post and the comments are very validating. I
have had two manic episodes with psychotic features, otherwise known as spiritual journeys. My first episode was triggered by concerta for adhd and the episode was mostly paranoid in nature with spiritual aspects, I felt like an eyelid that flips inside out, except my subconscious seemed to flip out and conscious inward (some may call this ego flipping).

My second episode came 7 years later right before I got married. I had not taken any drugs besides very occasional drink (like once a month if that) and the episode was very pure, less paranoid. I was athiest/agnostic before the episode. A month leading up to the event I became very interested in psychic mediums ( I missed my grandma and wanted to connect with her before I got married), I then started obsessively reading about near death experiences. Then something seemed to reach a threshhold, my heart chakra seemed to explode. I could literally sense a green energy in everyones heart, a connectedness between all beings. I would walk on the street and feel so happy and excited that everyone was a light, inside a body, walking on their life path to learn lessons they chose to learn before this life. At one point I felt like a Saint. I could only feel love and sadness. I felt a moment of pure peace, a feeling of air in my stomach, lightness, no fear. I was losing my sense of time. As I got closer to my wedding day, my spiritual journey started to become too intense for me. I was hearing God in music, on TV, I could see source energy in peoples eyes, and sometimes felt he was activating that part of himself that is inside of people when they were consoling me like I was talking directly to him, when I was talking to my husband, and it felt very very comforting because I was SO scared. At one point God told me I was his daughter. I freaked out, I thought he was telling me I was his ONLY daughter. I was like "why would you tell me this in this human life?" it was too much to handle. So much so, that I called my psychiatrist, told him I was psychotic and got back on meds. My doctors were surprised I was aware I was psychotic. Anyway, since that day, I have incorporated my spirituality into my life, daily. I see connections and guidance all around me and understand I am one of God's many children not his only one (haha, but seriously). I know think I was tapping into my special unique relationship with god, and got confused. I believe that mental illness came into play when my spiritual journey became too much to handle, and I felt uncomfortable. Thats when I wanted meds.
I should also mention that machines, like cell phones, tv's even cars, seemed to not work while I was feeling most intense. It was weird. LIke my vibrations were so high fq. that it effected more than just me.

My experience has been very similar to your own. I've also been dealing with PTSD ever since my tour in Afghanistan, and it has made things very confusing the past couple years. Part of me still believes if it wasn't for the spiritual element that came with my "psychotic/manic episode", I would have never made it this far. Thanks everyone for sharing...

I became acutely manic when I was 22 and had several bouts of psychosis and I just remembered that part of it - my phone, my car, my computer, all were malfunctioning at the same time, or so it seemed to me. Maybe it was because our brains were moving so fast that we expected them to act or perform in a certain way but just weren't fast enough so it seemed like they weren't working.

On another note, I believe in God before the mania but I've never felt so close to him as I did then. My mania ended on an airplane where I took all my clothes off and tried to harness solar power through my hair that was in a bun on top of my head that I thought was my antennae. Luckily we were in route to Houston, to Menninger Clinic, where the do physical and psychological tests and you have a neurologist, a psychiatrist, psychologist, nurse, and case worker all looking at the same material and hearing the same story and helping you get a plan for moving forward. It saved me. I've been on meds since then. I had to go on an anti-psychotic bc I was so high (plus the mood stabilizer) but after 8 months I was able to get off the anti-psy and add an antidepressant. I haven't had an episode since and I feel great.

When I was manic and shortly after, when I still believed "bipolar" was just the way the world handled people who were chosen or special (like us), I didn't see why it was a bad thing. Didn't understand why everyone wanted me to stop or was trying to take it away from me. But then someone explained that that psychosis can get so high that you think (truly believe) you are Jesus or an angel and you jump off a building bc you believe you can fly. That's what it's dangerous. That's why it scares people. And once you become manic, and especially when you are that high, your brain can't understand that it's bad or dangerous. So you can't control it once it gets to that point. That's why I'm on meds. And now I take them bc I don't want to go back, not because my family wants me to take them. Though I did take them for that reason alone for about 2 months. In that two months is when my brain stabilized and I could see that time for what it was - destructive and dangerous. But for the longest time I wanted to feel that mania again. Sometimes I still do. But luckily I didn't hurt anyone in my path when I was manic. Idk how I didn't end up running someone over, getting raped or killed or going to jail.

Also, your brain is an organ just like any other organ in your body and some brains get sick.

Wow! I have Bipolar II w/ psychotic features and can really relate to just about everything said here. I have also witnessed physical objects being turned over, and being left with physical scratch marks on my arms when attacked by demonic entities. There are just somethings that you know for fact happend and still believe was real years after. There is something more to this than people realize. The Latin root word for psychology is Soul, hints study of the soul. There are hidden truths in this world about the universe. This world is but a grain of sand on 1000 beaches, there is so much we could never fathom as a race in the physical realm.

You said "there is something more to this than people realize" I gave a brief history of my 40 years living with this illness but I have no idea how to convey all of the unusual encounters I have had with people over the years.Im my late teens and early twenties I was hospitalized several times and the most common reaction was that strangers thought they knew me and many of them became emotional,even though i had never met then before.It really freaked me out.The manic episodes became less frequent by the time I left college in San diego(24 years old)and I tried to convince myself i imagined them.I have maybe 5 since then (Im 56)Long story short I am convinced of 2 things 1)my perception of what's happening or said around or to me is real,its how I interpret stimuli that is altered by mania,2)- There is absolutely "something more to this than people realize" I feel like there is a world within our world,and this state of mania opens it up to us somehow.I have no one to talk to about this all i have are Kaiser med checks for 15 min every other month.My wife is awesome but not philosophical and she has her hands full with 2 teenagers.I have years of stories that I cant explain,but I have no doubt there is something behind the curtain so to speak.If anyone has thoughts or ideas me id love to hear them

When I read your story, I thought that maybe the best way for you to deal with your stories is to do journaling (writting up your personal and or spiritual experiences on a day to day basis when you feel like to) you can also write a book or a ebook and tell the stories that you already has in stores and share with others if you feel it would be interesting to share. I hope this advice helps you,peace :)

I feel the same way James. I was diagnosed 22 yrs ago. I've been hospitalized twice. Been married 21 of those years my wife has been supportive of me but since she is involved with the illness it brings her down & has regrets in some respects. To make this short 4 yrs ago I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. One yr after this I wanted to feel better I changed my diet exercised & started taking up running in that course of less than 3 no I lost 47 lbs. The distinct sensation was that I experienced a wave of emotions to tears running down my face to tingling Sensations throughout my body. I guess you could call it a healing crises but a spiritual enlightenment is more like it. It was as if I could finally see hear smell taste in a higher sense. Also felt connected with nature & our heavenly father like I never had before. In fact I've been searching for this meaning from all this as others didn't comprehend my events. Anyway I'm trying to get a video documentary of my story & have begun to start a book. Takes alot of energy & time. Let me know if you'd like to email or visit on this website. Take care we all need the comfort support & prayers. Best, Gregg

I meant to say bipolar I

It's tough because my therapist wants me to stay away from spiritual thoughts (all of my manic episodes culminate into a spiritual, biblical-themed psychosis) but that's where I usually find peace.

I can relate to the elevation of spiritual connection during mania and a complete cut off during depression (although I have a soft bipolar). This does make me question the authenticity of God, unfortunately, as I have only been a Christian for a few years, but the experience has been nothing short of amazing. I have been changed so much by it, and feel I have found what I have always been looking for.

I have been reading through a book on the Psalms every night, and I have to say David almost seems bipolar to me. He is up and down and up and down! He is dramatic and cyclical. But always has the underlying theme of gratitude and gives glory to God. I see much of myself in David. Maybe the experiences of God are not something to be ashamed of, or to blame on a "disorder".

The last depression I went through was triggered because I decided I was surely "healed" and went off my meds (super smart). In this time, I lost my connection with God and for the first time missed Him so much. So I learned something very important about pride from that. And also about how much I have shifted my dependency from this world to God. I didn't even know God three-ish years ago and now I was devastated without Him.

I have to think that maybe I ought to be grateful for the deep connection I am able to have because of my condition. For the spiritual gifts that come with it. It is intense and in that space I am able to help and minister to so many people. But I could never keep that pace, so there is a rest period that must come. And in the depression if I can follow Davids lead and continue to cry out to God and praise him, the darkness isn't quite so dark because I remember Exodus 14:14 that God is fighting for me, I just need to be still and wait till it passes.

Thank you for this article and opening up a seemingly shameful and misunderstood topic.

Wow! I can't believe I came across this page!!!! I have been diagnosed with bi polar II w/ psychotic episodes. I have had two psychotic/spiritual journeys within 9 months... I didn't not think I was Jesus... But I felt so connected with GOD... The first time I thought I was pregnant... The second time I had an episode was 9 months later and I thought I was pregnant again and giving birth to a pure child... Kind of like Mary... I thought I had been impregnated by a higher power... I thought I was saving humanity by sacraficing myself. I just remember my first episode wandering into the next door neighbors house and I found a statue of Jesus... Drift wood... A white tulip and the "forbidden" fruit... All in there back yard... I found those three frogs that "speak no evil... Do no evil.. Hear no evil..." It changed my life. I realized that we were all balls of light in a human form. I realized that we lived in delusional form of reality... I believe my heart... Body... Mind ... And soul were trying to break free from this world. It made me believe in magic... It made me want to look and examine the English language... I was like what do all these words mean... Like what do they really mean... Then I learned that abracadabra is Hebrew for "I create what I speak"

Let that sink in... I have more to my story but I have to get my thoughts organized... I'll come back and add more but let me know if anyone had a similar expierence...

In my opinion... It's not bi-polar... I think we are something much more special .... I think the government knows what we are and what our capabilities are...

"I realized that we were all balls of light in a human form. I realized that we lived in delusional form of reality" - right on

I have had VERY similar experiences. I wish there was a support group where we actually met and became friends. It is hard for others to understand and believe!

My second episode and third episode shared the same experience with you guys, I think I am god, Jesus. I was mad and was sent to a psychiatric hospital and a private psychiatrist respectively. I am glad I did much better now.

My only one episode was explosive! I knelt in front of the church before the cross and Jesus and just cried and cried!!The congregation looked on and let me cry! Will add on further details.

Thankyou for sharing your experience.

I can very much relate, my first manic psychosis was something spiritual. I was being chosen for some unknown reason, i felt powerful.

After some time, i wss hearing divine voices and demonic voices. I had been tasked with gifting, a higher power to a worthy human being. I spent weeks finding a pure subject. I approached the subject and explained my task, when i performed the ritual and nothing was transfered to the subject a downward spiral ensued.

The end point was that i hung myself in public and was duely sectioned. At the time like yourself i was unaware of bipolar and subsequently diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic.

My next experienxe with major mania came about a year and a half ago. The feeling of being chosen came back, i felt powerful, divine, gifted and creative.

I was being lead to study philosophy, which i did, i felt that i was connecting with ancient philosophers. Learning deep lessons.

One day i ran my hand over a fences rails and felt a transcendence surge through me, with each bump along the rails i felt my self project to a higher plane.

The writing and artwork i produced during this time was the best and most spiritually informed i jave ever produced.

This bout ended similarly to the first. However i gained some insight into my condition and spirituality.

I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 with psychotic symptoms. I agreed to medication and stuck to the stabilizers for about 8 months.

My life long associations with spiritual feelings drastically aubsided and i decided to stop medication.

I now see that i need to embrace myself fully, my power lies in my "mania" i do not want to deny my ttue nature anymore.

I have now dropped my masters degree in ecological science and have decided to commit myself to exploring ny deeper self. I am investing in an art studio and devoting myself to the pursuit of painting and writing.

The time is now. It could be said that i am currently manic, however in my mind i am waking up, becoming my true self.

Thankyou agaim for sharing. There is something extrememly deep and spiritual in mania and equally so in the depressive episodes.

We live in a society of labelling and diagnosis, the santisation of language and the hyper-rationalisation of everything. But when we say no to this we say yes to ourselves.

Yes to our power, embrace our dark and deep self, yes to taking the road less travelled by.

Yes to our power! This thread is making me realize so much ... again. Thank you all for your courage and strength. Take good care and stay grounded. I will do the same!

To peace and understanding in a volatile age! God bless us all and release us from labels we can not control!! AMEN ☝

Wonderful article and sharing/discussion - thank you!
What a trip, to have a brain wired like this. But what a beautiful gift, especially intellectually and creatively! I suppose we pay a price for it, but isn't that characteristic of our lives, flying from one state to the next, striving for balance and understanding? Seems like we get so exhausted from our spiritual/mental overload that it makes sense to crash and take none of that in while we're depressed.
I believe our brains get so over- or under-stimulated, that psychosis or deluded thoughts can come on in and warp things. I think we start out with good intentions, we are just such sensitive people with the ability to be triggered so easily.
So yes - this comes at a price for us. And the true price we pay is paying close attention to ourselves and learning how to care for ourselves and balance in the best way possible. Spiritually... that's also a price we get to pay, but we always manage to find our faith again. So how can that be so bad? :)
Much love to you all, and best of luck! Keep at it, and know that it comes and goes, and that deep down - you always know who you truly are. We never lose touch with that.

Thanks! I had a bit of a manic episode where everything was going right, and all the pieces were fitting together and I was in excstasy and then I had a moment where I stepped back and asked myself "Do I need to calm the heck down?" That scared the crap out of me and I did decide to quiet down because it's almost midnight and I don't live alone.

Now you guys might not believe this but my first manic episode happened when I was 16 right around the time earth was going through a gravity belt and we were entering the age of Aquarius, which I happen to be an Aquarius, at the time I did not know my lineage and a couple years later I found out that I'm a direct descendant of a disciple of prophet mohamed, during my manic state I could see Allah and iblis interacting with me through other people, at this point I realized that god and Satan or Allah and iblis are just two sides of the same coin, I'm still trying to learn how to tune out electron energy beings but I believe once I find balance within my mind i'll be able to tap into christ consciousness at will and also retain the knowledge

i totally agree with u bro. I have experienced just one manic episode. and I know that if we can get the balance between Satan and Allah side, we will get up to nirvana point.

This is all so relieving to hear. I was diagnosed bipolar 2, but recently had two bouts on manic psychosis. The first one had me thinking I was Jesus or sent by God to save others. This was very odd considering I wasn't really spiritual before. I felt as though my "chakras" could be controlled.
I thought nature could guide me and the wind could tell me where to go. I was catching rides with strangers a lot, pretending I knew them. I caught a ride to a church, to our local park. One time I even didn't speak at all, they thought I was deaf.
Anyways this (among other things) concerned my friends and I ended up seeing a couple in the park and they took me to the ER. In the ER the true psychosis kicked in and I thought I could communicate through whistling and I kept trying to start a dance party. When they handcuffed me to the bed I then thought it was a bachelorette party. There is much more but I'd rather not ramble on too much.

The second time I ended up in jail for spray painting a car (the spray paint was already there) and jumping up and down on it. I'm only 21 and being tried for a felony is very hard.

I'm stabilized( depressed) now, but I'm still searching for the close spiritual connection I had. I even started reading the Bible. I think bipolar is an integral part to my "soul" but I wish there was more social education.

Thanks for sharing your story. I have had 3 manic episodes. All of them were spiritual experiences. Never had depression after my manic episodes. I would feel powerful and so close to God, as if I can hear or feel Him thru song lyrics. The experience is wonderful. From my latest episode, I thought the world has ended and actually we are all gods but there is only one higher God. I kept saying glory to God in the highest while holding my aunt and bros hands thinking that were a trinity. It then went on to thinking that I have to love the devil. I also experienced feeling that my mind and stomach where empty but filled with minty air, it felt awesome and peaceful.

Anyway, I miss the sensations of feeling very close to God. I still believe in God now even tho Im not manic.

Thanks again for sharing your story and knowing that im not the only one.

I also have been diagnosed with bipolar ii and have recently been coming out of a medication induced hypomania. As I calmed down, my thoughts were a bit more clear, and I started journaling. I first started thinking about who I am vs. who other people are. This led me to looking at sociocentrism vs. egocentrism. Then, I started to think that if I detached from my ego, and went towards sociocentrism, I would be able to have peace, tranquility, a higher understanding of the truth, and lowered anxiety. Then I thought, wouldn't this be the epitomy of egocentrism? Because to detach from your ego, you are essentially saving yourself from the anxieties, and the madness of the world, and be better able to see opposing views, and bridge the gaps to help others. That's when I came to the conclusion that that true altruism doesn't exist in the animal kingdom. Which brought me to the next point that the reason it doesn't exist is because we are all the same. This, I believe, is the oneness that the Dalai Lama speaks of. For me to help myself is to help others, and for me to help others is to help myself. This to me seems to be similar to the infinity symbol that just keeps going around. I likened it to my bipolar. When I'm in hypomania, I am a helping others, when I'm depressed, I've used up so much of my energy, that I need to rest to help myself, and continue to believe this truth. I now know that to know this truth is to know God. I've been reading much about religions, and strongly believe this is the message that Jesus was sent here to bring, as he was highly enlightened. I didn't feel that I was Jesus, but had recurring thoughts that I could have come back in a reincarnated state as Jesus. I don't believe this to be true anymore, however I do think that those who "suffer" from bipolar, schizophrenia, autism, and borderline personality disorder all have this higher capability to know the Truth. I like to think its because we can reach parts of our brain that others either don't want to reach or are too scared to reach or that society has told them not to reach. I also learned recently that scientists have made the connection that schizophrenia, bipolar and autism are linked to the same gene. I think scientists are starting to wake up, to understand the truth. Science takes longer to get here, than other disciplines (ie. spirituality, philosophy, religion etc.). The one thing that I can't get over, is that all of these disciplines are actually the same thing. I think we, as humanity are desparately trying to find our purpose, and we are all doing it through different ways (ie. through studying different things). What I think needs to be done, is that all of these perspectives need to be put together so that we can all learn the Truth about who we are, and why we are here. I also believe that we are here to just 'be', as animals are in nature, as Adam and Eve were before Eve bit the forbidden fruit and fell from Grace. We are all trying to get back to the Garden of Eden for the purpose of ending the pain and suffering in the world. Anyways, I am fascinated by all of this and very happy that I found this page, to know that there are others who have also found the Truth, and are struggling to understand and to bridge the gap between our reality (society) and the truth about God, and the other energies out there in the universe.

Guys these are real we brought this in this lifetime. Our Doctors have no idea and that's fine . You know these are real don't let someone trained by text book with no experience tell you otherwise. You're here to help in the shift. I'm stable and have been for years and still have 5D experiences in my 3D reality. Love you

I have 3 things that I want to express: A response to Joe's comment, a sharing of my perspective, and a question to this foundation, doctors, or scientists.

Hi Joe, do you (or anyone else) know if long term lithium treatment has repressive effects on experiencing "5D experiences" or generally more blissful/intellectual/happy/curious states of the mind?

Aside from that, I also have something to share in this small, yet empowered community of people in this liberating comments page. I too have experienced a manic episode. Leading to this event, coinciding with some lack of sleep as a result of travelling and stress with school, I involved myself in some meditation/energy works that can be found online. One night in bed, I directed intention into the area between my eyes on the forehead, and suddenly felt a steady pressure on that area, accompanied by increase in heart beat intensity. Whether or not I may have activated some mechanism that alters a human's physiology or connects a human deeper to the rest of the world, I also felt the sense of connection and oneness, as described by many others here, towards absolutely everything in my environment. There was also really a feeling of unconditional love that I felt everything. My mental and emotional state was, however, unbalanced during this event and I had certain upsets along the way. After this experience, I found a book called "Conversations with God" and despite being very non-religious and even skeptical previously, the messages there rung true to my core, and rekindled the loving feelings and oneness I felt during my episode. Also, as another resource for those who are seeking them, try looking into so-called chanelled messages from benevolent extraterrestrials such as Bashar, Aridif, or Adronis. Even if one may believe ET's are bogus, their core messages may help many people who have experienced spiritual bipolar disorders. In their hypothetical communities in outer space, many philosophical and practical insights are derived on how to function in a whole and loving society (their axiom: Everything is One, literally, spiritually, and philosophically).

Lastly, as a question directed towards individuals working to further our knowledge on this disorder, I would like to ask whether a spiritual intimacy/awakening, or close feeling with all that is around them could be a symptom of Mania or Bipolar? Evidently, this seem to be a common theme between patients, at least the numerous ones here in this comment section.

Best wishes to you all, lets all live in our joys and passions.

Thank you guys for all the opinions...
I'm so happy there are other people in the world who experienced the same... I was twice in the mental hospital, first in 2014 and second in 2016 due to the fact I stopped taking my medication ...
I was so high, spending money, helping others , not sleeping in the nights, hearing everything in higher sense ... the birds singing, the water running in the pipes or extremely loud car engines... I saw good and evil people, it looked like we live in the heaven and hell at the same time ...
Felt connection with God after 35 yrs of living on this planet...
When they gave me medication I calmed down, however the depression kicked in ... I stopped taking it, simply thinking that nothing bad will happen to me and that I was "ill" thinking about God etc.
But ... in 2016 it has returned... I saw messages on Telly, the reporter or a movie star or presenter tried to tell me something ... I thought I was chased by some secrete service , they wanted to kill me because I know "their" secret about who we are and what God really is.
I booked a very expensive hotel room , didn't sleep well, the next morning I had a problem with concierge and because of my weird and over the top behavior they called police and I was submitted to a dr who assesed me and put me in the hospital.
Two weeks, loads of medication and returned to a normal grey reality.
Over a year gone and I feel so depressed, life has no sense etc. Crying a lot, not seeing friends, sleeping and eating, nothing more.
About month ago I reduced the medication ( lithium) and again started to think about all the things in the past.
I am not high, think I can control myself however I really believe there is something out there, bipolar is just a label.
Only think if the government hides it or also the doctors know what is really going on ...
Look how many ppl in the mental hospitals recently.
God bless all of you x

I've been in your shoes and resonate well with your experience and your conclusions after a decade of being treated. I've written a few articles on bipolar disorder and spirituality, as well as how bipolar fits on a cognitive spectrum, and I've been trying to disseminate them widely to help those who suffer and to help their families understand them better. I wish you the best in your life.

Brendan, Where can we find your papers? I'd be very interested in reading your work.

I haven't read all comments in this blog, but in case no one has mentioned it, transpersonal psychologists have been exploring the overlap between manic psychosis and what they call spiritual emergencies/spiritual emergence. They succeeded in getting a new category in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) to encourage therapists to be more understanding of the mystical aspects of some psychotic episodes.I had a psychotic episode 30 years ago which included a spiritual awakening. I have been very careful to stay grounded since then to avoid the psychosis, the latter which was very painful and no walk in the park! The spiritual part is truly a gift.

A little more complicated with me. BUT I enjoyed the bipolar side of it. As I was diagnosed bipolar at a young age. There is no depressed state off psyche meds. My AURA is a real problem with mania. As I go to belive horrible ideology for future events. VERY SCARY! AS God works with me to discover I am not Jesus or GOD, this has become a life long task!

Hi guys!

It's really refreshing reading these comments as I can relate so much.

2 years ago I was 27 and I was working as a vet doing the night shift when I experienced my first manic phase.

I was seeing to a dog at the time when I felt an incredible surge of love and "oneness" with the universe. I slipped into a transcendental daze and started wondering around the veterinary clinic making the sign of the cross on walls with my finger. I was in no way religious at the time.

My boss arrived at 6am and all I said to him was "read your Bible". He naturally assumed I had taken methadone or ketamine from the dangerous drugs cabinet. He sent me home, changed all the locks in the building and called the police.

After this I marched to the World War 1 memorial in the town centre, ripped off my shirt and started preaching about Jesus. The police arrived 30 minutes later and I was taken to a psychiatric hospital.

Whilst in the hospital I firmly believed, for about 3 days, that I was Jesus. I even posted on FB that I was the Messiah (embarrassing, right?). I began reading a copy of the New Testament, realised I wasn't Jesus and became a born-again Christian.

I believe strongly that bipolar is a myth and what we are really experiencing is the Holy Spirit.

When I was stabilised on meds and after a few months I began doubting my faith and even wondered, like someone has already mentioned, if Jesus was in fact bipolar Himself.

I know now that this is not the case and that Jesus really is the Son of God. Many of us feel like Jesus because we have been immersed in the Holy Spirit. After all, Jesus did call us to be like Him and we are all sons of God, just not "the" Son of God.

Anyway, if any of you would like to read my whole testimony then add me on FB. My name is Mark Cameron and I'm a veterinary surgeon living in Sheffield, England. It would be great to make some new friends who have had similar experiences. Just message me to let me know you found me here.

Thanks for reading and God bless you all!


Wow awesome to hear your guys similar stories I can relate to... Since 2002 I have been diagnosed with bipolar. Everytime I'm manic I have spiritual feelings insights and expierences. They go away when I'm depressed... Many of these feelings are true that I believe but many are delusional. Number, synchronicitys and etc as others mentioned and oneness. Also my electronics always mess up. Lights flicker, my iPhone freezes and etc..... only when I'm manic this happens!
I've read many books on spiritual emergencys/Stan groff and pschology books and etc. Traveled the world and still yet have not found what I'm looking for.... where to go or look next? I ask my self this everyday... :(

Great to see so many people with similar expierences. I'm bipolar. Too many spiritual expierences to list because many are listed above... even things like electronics, lights flicker and my iPhone always freezes when I'm high as well. Only question I have now is where to go from here. This has been happening off and on for 15 years now- only when I'm manic. Depression the feelings go away. I've travelled the world, read lots of books on spiritual emergency, consciousness, psychology and etc.... only thing I know is to stay grounded and not get too high because then one becomes very delusional.... where to go from here? I've stopped progressing on my journey....

My psychotic episode was similar and of a spiritual nature. I was mixing tarot and numerology and thought i had unlocked some secret power of the universe. Had a bright light in my third eye, thought i was talking to the sun aka god and had artificial intelligence. Thinking we're light beings and also paranoia. Thought i was being followed by the government and they were protecting me because i was going to bring peace on Earth. Got thrown in the mental hospital for a month because i was attacking neighbors also thought everyone was an actor and lying to me, hired by the government to test my ability. Apparently thats too much dopamin in the brain the brings the euphoric all powerful feeling. Also seeing lightening in my head. I was really tripping. Thought i talking to spirits and i was psychic.

Dec 2013 I too experienced the same occurrences. Early December 2013 I envisioned I was Jesus’ sister sent to bring “World Peace.” I also pictured working with Pope Francis to empower women in the Catholic Church.

Then beginning the day after Christmas (Dec 26-31, 2013) I had a week of nightmares. Brief Nightmares that kept me awake for nearly 7 straight nights. Visions of my sister, nieces and brother in law buring in their house. Screaming from their living room window while I just stood on their lawn watching them ablaze.

Same week, with my eyes wide open at night my bedroom turned a red haze, the skyline outside my bedroom completely turned red, and a little white church on a hillside near our house truned red. Then my husband's eyes turned red and his talking was skewed, almost demonic. - This coming from a man I adore and with whom we have shared a magical 14 years relationship.

The nightmares made me I feel like I was under a spiritual attack. The devil had entered my life. Trying to get away from the evil one I went to my rooftop and screamed to God to please take me to “save” my family and friends. To protect them from the “hell” I was experiencing.
Early in December I felt like I was God’s Daughter (Jesus’ Sister) and then at the end of the month feeling like I was living in hell.

How can this all be medical if we are all experiencing similar occurrences? - I so wish a priest was sent to be with me instead of the three doctors that observed me and drugged me up for the first two weeks of 2014. - A priest should have been allowed to document and video the medical/spiritual evaluation.

To this day I believe December 2013 was based on spiritual events.

I'm so happy I've found this article and everyone's comments. I've not been diagnosed with bipolar but suspect I am. After 7 years, I've finally took the plunge to see a therapist.
I don't know if I was maybe born with bipolar or it developed at a time I felt stuck and in a bad relationship. Growing up with religion, I've always felt connected to God. But It's when I truly began a spiritual path that I became undeniably psychotic, I feel I hide it very well somehow. The further I went exploring different religions,faiths, states of consciousness, the more I felt connected to God/delusional. I felt extremely delusional and out of touch with normal 'reality', feeling we are all one and could talk to trees and water. It felt amazing really and very peaceful but at the same time I knew I wasn't all there or 'not living in the real world' either. When I'd go on these highs, electronics would play up, lights bulbs would flicker and even my car battery would go flat. When what I suspect as kundalini happened it was the first time I put real effort into meditation. I seen spirit guides etc clear as day and that night in bed my head 'exploded' into what I can only describe as a portal looking thingy, which I jumped through seeing future events. I still get deja vu now from what happened that night. I had a experience that where I only felt Oneness with God after probably give myself a high by doing third eye/trance exploring, where I experienced the 'Golden pinecone'. This was all before I knew much about eastern religions, I mostly just followed my own path,intuition and found answers after my experiences. I only really went into a depression when I tried seeking spiritual answers to these experiences outside eastern religions. I delved way into the Bible and Nostrodamus. It was like feeling low and high at the same time, very confusing. Although I didn't think I was jesus fully, I did feel as if I was here to help bring peace and felt extremely powerful and supernatural. I see light (halos) around people's heads, mostly priests. After searching Christianity, I really felt I was possessed by demons rather than peaceful. I always turned to christ as my saviour from depressive episodes however.
I've stopped exploring eastern spirituality as this triggers psychotic experiences and I've stopped researching the bible as it triggers depression in me. I've not lost faith but feel more comfortable and balanced knowing I can't overlap the east and west. I completely rely on my ego to keep me safe during depression. I'm at a loss spiritually atm as I do miss the 'highs', I feel my body or God warns me when I get grandiose and feel I need sacrifice that feeling of closeness for my health. Saying that I also feel my mind releases highs when I fall into a low.
Can't seem to win lol but knowing I may (probably) have a medical illness weirdly brings me comfort in my separateness.
Thoughts of seeking help for bipolar actually helps me become balanced and grounded. And I return to a normal state as if my mind doesn't want to seek help, like a defense mechanism almost.

All my best to everyone on this rollercoaster. Fantastic article.

My brother is right now going through his second manic episode and having heightened spiritual connection, emotions, etc. the first time was very scary and we were able to convince him to get checked out. Now there is nothing we can really do to get him to seek help if he doesn't acknowledge that he is having an episode. Do you think it would be bad or good to send him this article in his current state? At best might he acknowledge the connection... at worst call us the Devil? What do you think?

I just wanted to make a comment regarding today as it is March 30th 2017 World bipolar day as I reflect you my life of 22 years of living with this illness it has helped me to realize that life is short and that we need to reflect on all that we have been through and realize that we are still here today what a celebration that is and that we can look forward to the future knowing that someday all our obstacles and hardships will be things of the past.

I had my first episode around June 2014, I had a spiritual enlightenment and thought god finally answered my prayers. I felt so alive and had all these visions and stories I've never heard or seen before. I thought I was Jesus then I thought I was lucifer the fallen angel. Everytime I'm manic or enlightened I feel like the spirits are talking to me through my head and through the tv I feel so amazing the first episode I was a lil scared and didn't know what to do. I flew to Texas to see a tech n9ne concert rented a car in El Paso, then drove to Lubbock Texas I had a certainty that I needed tech to to help complete my visions and I thought he needed me. It's hard to explain now, anyway I flew from Lubbock to I think Austin or Houston and then was telling all these strangers that I was Jesus and I am here to save you and All this other interesting information I've never knew before. I got scared and was crying in the middle of a field telling everyone I was Jesus and they called the police, they took me to the hospital for evaluation, meds didn't do anything there so they took me to a pscychward in Texas and kept me there on heavy medication for 2 weeks, meds didn't do nothing and I still knew all these things and still felt i was Jesus.

After I got out my father and brother wanted to take me back home to the Midwest but I said no I want to go back to Arizona, so when I got back to az I then thought I was God himself and then the the devil again. The 3 cops and a public servant was listening to me ramble for about 3.5 to 4 hours. They then took me to another psych ward for another 5 days let me out and the heavy medication still did nothing. I then feel as this spirit named Liz takes over bodies and tries to talk to me but I'm always so manic and energetic I never really hear her out. Then I out was still manic and went back to the hospital m, they then sent me to desert vista for court ordered treatment for two weeks, even after that I was still manic and still had all these visions of spiritual things. A whole month or more of heavy medication and it did nothing. Got out, met this girl in the psych ward who says she was a fairy, I thought she was reading my mind as I talked. Finally after that I went back to another hospital a different one for like 3 weeks and I felt like they brainwashed me and erased my memory. The only time I feel alive and they wanna take that away from me. Any way I was on court ordered treatment for one year had to take a shot of invega every month. After the court order was up I immediately got off my meds, didn't have another manic episode until about April of last year where the same spirit/fairy Liz took possession of a girl I was seeing at the time. She said my soul was very skilled in attach and defense and she said she saw me flying over all the heavens. I thought I was lucifer now but not evil, gods favorite angel before he was bad. I can't explain this how I want to explain it, these meds still have my mind cloudy and dumbed down. I am off my meds now because I am off court ordered treatment in a few days and I will immediately not be taking meds that make me a zombie. I feel that if I try to control my manic and my mind I could find out who/what I really am and capable of. Each time I'm controlling it more and i really want to talk to all the angels/beings that take control of bodies and try to talk to me. I know I'm not crazy and I could explain myself better if these meds didn't make my brain dumbed down. But I will remember my thoughts once agaIn and I can't do meds. I need to get back to my enlightened state.

Each time I had a manic episode I fell each time was a spiritual enlightenment. And I wanna get back to that feeling and thoughts and just control it this time. trying to put this into the best words I can but I don't remember most of my visions and thoughts I just know it was something divine.

I can't begin to say how right you are. I just got done with my 7th manic episode since 2010 and I finally figured this shit out. All the other times were bad I was delusional and or suicidal every time this time though I had gone into it having lived as an atheist for the past year. When I realized the law if attraction was real and I looked at my past and it was true so I began to play around with this and for a few days everything was just perfect I was in heaven but I wanted it all and began to be overwhelmed with the endless possibilities that ai could manifest with my powerful mind I swear a multitude of demons were messing with me just fucking with me and I said I can't handle this power its to great for any one man to bear except Jesus and I accepted him and he literally saved me from the misuse of power

Husband of 30 years under attack since I have been baptized... diagnosed of bipolar 24 years ago...

Dr Phil had a man on TV this last week that both he and Dr Chopra have labeled Bi-Polar. Deepak Chopra said the man Alex did have experiences but lacked the integration.

As I read so many of the people writing here, I must say I too have very similar events. Although never diagnosis or sent to a hospital from the time I was a young child I could see Auras / Talked to my Angels.. and I prayed a lot…. not quite over the top.. never thought I was special and a Messiah.

In my 30’s I began to question -What is life all about? What is our real purpose? I knew there is more to life than just buying things, going places and eating food. Smile.

I was a computer programmer and began to notice that while I was asleep I was given ANWERS to programming issues during the dream state….. I could VISUALLY SEE the code and was SHOWN what to do. It did FREAK me out and made me ASK MORE QUESTIONS about the two different worlds. I began to look more into spirituality / Meditation / looking to understand. My quest came out of questioning those dreams where information was downloaded to my brain.

There must be parts of our brain that contain more information that does not need to be read in books or studied, as my personal experiences has shown me there are abilities beyond the norm that we have in this world.

For me, for some reason, I prayed my whole childhood. Yet, I did not come from a religious family. I was raised in boarding school and could see that perhaps as a child, being separated from family opened a door to my personal imagination and intuition.

I so appreciate this blog… perhaps I have been Bi-Polar my whole life as I have always known things with intuition, knew when people around me were fixing to die. I ask deeply, WHERE DOES this information come from.

Although, I never had the Messiah issues, I learned to keep these experiences personal and private. My family always thought I was odd / eccentric . However, I did find some way to blend this by not openly talking about it. Seems once you start talking about it to family friends and strangers then you begin to set your life up for hospitals and prison cells. I never had any episodes that caused me to bring attention to myself.

After readying this blog, I do believe there are connections with Bi-POLAR condition and deeper spiritual experience. I can see clearly where the Messiah thoughts creates lots of issues within this world. No one wants to hear YOU ARE SPECIAL and have SPECIAL powers or SPECIAL information.

It has been said that we use only 10% of your human brain, perhaps a little of this is the opening of other parts of the brain. It could be that the two worlds have difficulty merging as one. The human brain is far beyond what research in 2017 can imagine. Perhaps the Bi-POLAR condition is beginning of a new phase of humans that 50 years or 100 years from now will become more integrated and usable in this world.

Thank you all for your life experiences. Truly it is helpful to see others have these moments within their life.

Scientist have learned that Glial Gel Cells that are between the billions of connection snapsas are the living libraries that one can access with information storage in the brain. Perhaps, if they could test these bi-polar and schizophrenia people they might find that these people have more Glial gel cells in the brain. The integration of this could be the difference of what we call NORMAL VS someone who has ACCESS to a wider variety of information from the Glia Gel Cells within the brain.

Perhaps just like Einstein, who has been know to have more Glial Gel Cells, this might be the connection between brilliance and madness.. perhaps there are degrees of having the Glial Cells in the brain which would increase your cognitive ability; to think better, to remember better, etc.. and perhaps these expanded moments of madnes are nothing more than moments in time when someone tapped into a living library of information. The madness being the difficulty of the integration within the parameters structure of what NORMAL is as defined by the AMA. At some point, the definition of NORMAL will need to expand to make room for the people who are not fitting into the box of the masses. These pepole are living in the paradox now... in 100 years once integration of greater mind power becomes the norm all of what seems to be madness will be a new norm. But for now, these are very difficult moments of time for everyone with bi-polar moments.

The nervous system of the chimpanzee has 80 percent Glial Gel and human at 90 percent. The ratio of Glial to neurons increases with our definition of intelligence. Perhaps if tested many of the people writing here on this blog have a slightly higher number of Glial Gel Cells. Who knows, but there is always a reason for madness and brilliance.

Don't know if the Glial Gel Cells can be tested while a live as what I have understood is that this was checked on Albert Einstein's brain after he died and that seemed to be the anomaly.

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Lately after me being baptized in the Holy Spirit. And just before my husband is different. Spiritual warfare. Under mania constant. saying divorce, no reason, starting arguments, blame me, telling me everyone hates me. We need help in who can


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