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Is Mania a Spiritual Experience?

I was eighteen years old when I first experienced acute manic psychosis. I had just arrived at the University of Georgia for my freshman fall semester when I suddenly had what seemed like a profound spiritual awakening. I felt as if I was waking up from a bad dream, as if my mind and body were merely figments of my imagination. I felt an incredible transcendence and oneness with the universe, an experience I could only fathom to be spiritual. Back then, I didn’t know anything about bipolar disorder. 

My first thought upon being struck with this overwhelmingly blissful state was, “This is what God feels like; I must be Jesus!” It was from there that I began my deluded descent into madness. I ran upstairs in my dormitory, assuming that my friends would be my first disciples, and tried to perform miracles to prove my divinity. When they attempted to calm me down, I punched one of them in the face, calling him the devil, and ran back downstairs. Campus police promptly met me in the dorm lobby and arrested me on the spot. 

On my way to jail, I was no longer feeling so ecstatic. In fact, it was the most excruciating fear I had ever experienced. I began believing that the police officers were the Pharisees taking me to my crucifixion. They placed me in my own jail cell, and I began stripping off my clothes, demanding for the officers to come look at my naked body. Throughout the whole experience, I felt almost completely dissociated, as if I was watching a movie of myself with little to no control of the actor. 

After a few days of trying to convince my parents that I was returning humanity to the Garden of Eden, they realized my condition might not be from taking psychedelic drugs as they had thought. I was escorted to my local psychiatric hospital, and once medicated, came down from my messianic mission to create heaven on earth. The only problem was, I had never been more certain of God in my life, and the clinicians just kept telling me that it was normal for grandiose delusions to take on religious and spiritual themes. I was not convinced. 

My thoughts immediately went to the biblical stories I grew up with: how God tested Abraham’s faith when he was told to sacrifice his son, and how God communicated to Moses through a burning bush. Were these not examples of delusions and hallucinations? Even Jesus was convinced to be the Son of God. Were the holy men of the Bible bipolar? I had a lot of questions, and my questions seemed to be forcing me to choose one side or the other—either spirituality or psychiatry.

It took me about a decade to finally integrate both truths and find some peace around my manic episodes. I studied spirituality and psychology, and I came to the conclusion that bipolar disorder and spiritual experiences didn’t need to exist in opposition. I’ve come to some basic definition of spirituality as the transcendence of ego. In this sense, mania was indeed a spiritual experience, albeit an unmanageable one. This didn’t mean my bipolar diagnosis was bogus, and I’m not saying all psychotic episodes are spiritual. But I can now rest easy knowing that my experiences were both spiritual and bipolar. 

If I’m honest with myself, a major sign of my mania is increased spirituality, but at the same time, a major sign of my depression is a lack of spiritual significance. Finding balance in recovery means that I am able to seek both spiritual and clinical solutions to my bipolar symptoms without fear that I am falling out of grace with God. When I was first diagnosed, I had the idea that either bipolar existed or God existed. There was no space for both. 

My spirituality has necessarily evolved over the years. Because of my history with manic psychosis, I have to guard myself against dogmatic or superstitious beliefs. I try my best to live a life of love, and I rest assured knowing that the more kindness I spread to the world, the more aligned I am with my spiritual path. Telling my story of recovery has become part of this spiritual process. My faith means a great deal to my health, and without it, my recovery wouldn’t be as strong as it is today. I hope that by sharing my story, others going through the same difficulties might not take so long to make sense of their own experiences. 

Chris Cole is the author of The Body of Chris: A Memoir of Obsession, Addiction, and Madness, and he’s a life coach for people in recovery.


I really needed to read this Chris, as well as the comments! I have struggle with mania and religion, what's real and whats delusional. It has been for several years. I feel like because I was so delusional about God and it seemed so real that God made a fool of me! Because my response to the mania was more prayer and devotion and a truly heartfelt love. I have serious trust issues with God that I am struggling with!

Chris, your story has so many similarities to mine! When I am manic I am very prayerful and delusional at the same time. Can't understand why God allows it to be this way. I feel duped and have a hard time trusting ANY religious aspirations when I am stable. I thought my experiences were so true at the time. I miss most of them. But there were some thing I can't talk to anyone about. I was so confused and talked to different priests. Didn't find much understanding or good counsel. I think they just didn't get me, it's ok. I am very thankful for this post and the comments.

I have had very similar experiences to all the people here. In my last manic episode, I recognized it for what it was, and took medication before it got out of hand but I regret it. The Holy Spirit came into my life, and I was able to experience beautiful things. I chose to take medications so that I could function in “reality”. I also had a vision of fire and heat, I was in Los Angeles, this being right before the Malibu and Paris fires in California. That being said, I do suffer from the horrible depressions that comes with this and I feel like why did God forsake me? Why did he shame me to all of my family? Is it truly just a dysfunctional brain and God is a delusion? Tough! I still don’t know the answers.

I was diagnosed bipolar after coming off a 30 year drug addiction. I at one time felt something was trying to tell me I was Jesus but could never accept that because of shame in my life over many issues including sexuality. It was the first time in my life that I felt like something greater than myself loved and actually saw me. I have had many paranormal experiences since. The day I was picked up and hospitalized I was writing all sorts of predictions and warnings earlier in that day of natural and other disasters. Just about everything caused by nature happened including a major flood where I stated a city would be under water. At the same time a phenomena what I now know as synchronicity began. It started with seeing number sequences and from there coincidences with astronomical odds began occurring. They took me off meds over two years ago now and I am 3 years drug free. Some days it's hard, I have to watch myself around superstitious things and avoid the news. The world can be pretty crazy and I have to keep control of my mind. The one thing that has continued is that I get little snippets of things that show me things coming in the future. I would find myself taking pictures of odd things and the suddenly they would correspond with new things that cone into my life. I find I have strange connections with schizophrenic people. There is definitely some spiritual element to bipolar and schizophrenia. I could write several books on coincidences which defy belief. I think too that bipolar is different for everyone. I've often thought about the commonality of so many people feeling like they were Jesus and I have come to one possible conclusion, we all were, because we all came from the same source. 7.5 billion of us thinking we are all separate beings, or living that illusion. I havr also wobdered if perhaps Jesus was bipolar. There are other days i think perhaps God and the devil are the same energy. If something positive was made out of noth8bg the its opposite would have to be made, so the sum still equalled 0. I know this, something greater than me knows everything that is ever going to happen and he proves that to me multiple times a day. I'm curious if there are others that feel physical / perhaps kundalini energy. I am a walking divining rod.

Hi wrote this post awhile ago and I just read it. I had a spiritual awakening in Dec 2012 and was put in a mental health facility for having a manic episode but I knew I had just "woke up" and remembered God. I knew Jesus and I were One. I knew that we are all One with absolute certainty. I also felt a strong connection with schizophrenics. Everything is mind and the "mentally ill" are more open and less controlled by ego. I want to send you and others like us lots of love and validation that we know the truth and can truly be free....praise God!

I have seen a lot of odd things after being out of hospital it's like I predicted the future
When I think about things it becomes true ! It's god
I feel awakened
I am Muslim and my manic episode.was like death experience in Islamic POV
I told some one that he is Jesus
And I really kinda feel that the end of the world is near
Idk but I feel like bipolar people are kinda chosen they are miracles and a clue that God exists
We are from the same soul regardelss the religious beliefs

My recent episode was crazy. I went on for over 40 days. Destroyed my business marriage and am now picking up the pieces. Through this I have become closer to God and then distant. My wife is scared of me now and I’m living In a hotel. I was completely nuts. My entire staff left except one crazy Marine who has stuck with me. At 1st I was the chosen one and the devil at the same time. Now I am searching for Gods voice in this. I will suffer to accomplish good. I’m 46 and starting over, I am fighting everyday!! I will not give up! God will show His Good through my suffering! I’ll take it!!

I am 55 and was daignosed manic/deppressive when I was 17 and had my first episode of mania when I was 15 at boarding school, sent there by my parents who did not understand my exaggerated teen age response to a break up with my first girlfriend.I did not either.My father was wealthy and a loving man and in the next few years took me to expensive psychiatrists where I was diagnosed,It was rare at 17 to be diagnosed with manic/depression in 1977 it seemed.I have been hospitalized around a dozen times over the 40 years Ive lived with this illness usually for 1 to 2 weeks.this is the first time I have researched the spiritual experience tie-in because there were some experiences beyond the ,"I am Jesus" and special powers etc that i cannot explain although I had the same type thoughts as many of the posts before me.I still have faith,i would not have survived without it.I had a great father and have caring siblings who have always been there for me.I had no idea there were sites like this.Its been hard but ive been married 24 years have two kids and been with same company 16 years.I have achieved stability despite the periodic (vacations)Its great to share,I wish everyone who struggles with this illness and whatever happens keep moving forward,never give up.You will make it through.

I too have had bipolar psychosis. It's scary and I can understand why people in the comment section have said they feel a little betrayed by God. Of course when you take a step back you realize it's your brain that's sick rather than something God did. I have found that writing my thoughts in a journal helps. I address the journal to God, but I don't focus on him while writing lest I have delusional voices. I figure this way I can pray yet not get overly spiritual and have problems.

I am going through the exact thing as we speak! I was an 27 years old. I was dionoised with bipolar 1&2 about a year ago when I first lost my son. I am still a bit in disbelief about it. However, I guess it could be true. Only thing I can say is that I can't handle pressure well. I am now in graduate school studying Master program studying psychology at this present moment. I am also very spiritual and have moments where I believe I am powerful. I have never thought I was Jesus, however I do feel like we have that same spirit in us. Yes, I get what the world calls it "BiPoLAR" however apart of me still feels like we all just have a special gift that the world doesn't understand because people don't what to know what they don't understand. So they call it bipolar I guess. Anywho, yes well you can see where I am at with it lol. Maybe I am right maybe I am wrong, who really knows.

Amazing comment.

You truly are powerful and your awakening is the beginning of self discovery. Go within and find your true Self, the Christ within. You made it many are called but few actually awaken but eventually we all get there. The reward is true power joy and inner peace. God bless you on your journey!

I’ve become interested in Gnostism and esotericism very much so since my episode. It certainly does feel like the touch of a divine spark of sorts. The professionals can tell us some of the “hows”, but I think the why’s of it all may be more esoteric.

I'm very relieved to read about so many experiences that were so similar to mine. I was diagnosed when I was 27 years old after a manic episode that had me thinking I was supposed to go on a messianic trip to the US (I live in Brazil) to teach hinduism to the western cultures. I saw light in people and wings and imagined that we were all angels living an earthly experience. I felt connected to God like I'd never been. However, the voices in my head told me to do things that exposed me to ridiculous situations and got me into a psychiatric clinic for 20 days. I alucinated heavily for days. Lights, angels, voices, numbers, you name it. It's good knowing that someone else has had this experience and also that they too view it as a spiritual issue too besides cold diagnosis. I have been going to a Spiritist Center and Spiritism (Allan Kardec) has some answers regarding bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and depression. Besides, having a religion and being closer to Jesus and God in my daily routine while also using my medication daily (5mg of antipsychotic and 900mg of lithium)has been keeping me balanced. I'm gonna complete 02 years without a mania episode on April. So, thanks for the post, Chris. It's good to know I'm not alone.

Manic episodes and spiritual "openings" have important aspects in common: the chakras open in a way that bypasses the rational/linear ego-based mind and connects us to higher vibrational frequencies where our brain doesn't abide by 3 dimensional rules (what we have agreed to call "reality"). Carl Jung said that psychosis is when the ego cannot contain the contents of the unconscious. If you think about it... that's the same thing. Some folks talk about having only a "thin veil" between their conscious and unconscious minds. Whether you get triggered by a Kundalini experience, psychedelics, or your own biology, the territory seems too similar to ignore. For centuries Gurus have warned us to not encourage a Kundalini rising without ample training and support over a period of years. That's because they knew the impact and ramifications. I've been fortunate to have met and studied with an advanced spiritual being. Her life is in order, she is joyful, and can access multi-dimensions and move between settings at will, without discomfort or fragmentation. While I've had some profound experiences, I choose not to push the limits and, instead, focus on the simple joys of grace, humility, and gratitude. I endeavor to walk in truth and trust, careful of self-aggrandizement and imbalance. Tremendous article! Thank you! PS: the heart chakra is the regulator of the other chakras. When in a moment of doubt... love and allowance are great tools for centered peace.

Thank you. Your post was particularly helpful to me today. I have had some periods of what feels like very sped up awakening. (These have been mostly uninvited; They seem to be brought about mostly by geography. Once I was with a friend who was undergoing a distance healing from a qigong master and seem to have received a good deal of the dose of qi. This put me in an altered, very blissful, connected state for about two weeks.I could feel qi inside and outside my body, for example.

Most my experiences pre-date my sporadic study of Eastern did not result from a practice or in the context of support and knowledge that I now know is crucial.)

I would like to get back to a practice of meditation and find a teacher. Do you have any further advice?

Again, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and a glimpse of the path that works for you. You have inspired me to learn more.

Thank you for this comment Billy. Especially that the heart chakra is the regulator of the others. I'm thinking that learning more ways of grounding myself is the only way forward for a balance through the manic feeling I have at the moment.

Thank you so much for this post. And thanks to all the other commenters. Both your post and the comments are very validating. I
have had two manic episodes with psychotic features, otherwise known as spiritual journeys. My first episode was triggered by concerta for adhd and the episode was mostly paranoid in nature with spiritual aspects, I felt like an eyelid that flips inside out, except my subconscious seemed to flip out and conscious inward (some may call this ego flipping).

My second episode came 7 years later right before I got married. I had not taken any drugs besides very occasional drink (like once a month if that) and the episode was very pure, less paranoid. I was athiest/agnostic before the episode. A month leading up to the event I became very interested in psychic mediums ( I missed my grandma and wanted to connect with her before I got married), I then started obsessively reading about near death experiences. Then something seemed to reach a threshhold, my heart chakra seemed to explode. I could literally sense a green energy in everyones heart, a connectedness between all beings. I would walk on the street and feel so happy and excited that everyone was a light, inside a body, walking on their life path to learn lessons they chose to learn before this life. At one point I felt like a Saint. I could only feel love and sadness. I felt a moment of pure peace, a feeling of air in my stomach, lightness, no fear. I was losing my sense of time. As I got closer to my wedding day, my spiritual journey started to become too intense for me. I was hearing God in music, on TV, I could see source energy in peoples eyes, and sometimes felt he was activating that part of himself that is inside of people when they were consoling me like I was talking directly to him, when I was talking to my husband, and it felt very very comforting because I was SO scared. At one point God told me I was his daughter. I freaked out, I thought he was telling me I was his ONLY daughter. I was like "why would you tell me this in this human life?" it was too much to handle. So much so, that I called my psychiatrist, told him I was psychotic and got back on meds. My doctors were surprised I was aware I was psychotic. Anyway, since that day, I have incorporated my spirituality into my life, daily. I see connections and guidance all around me and understand I am one of God's many children not his only one (haha, but seriously). I know think I was tapping into my special unique relationship with god, and got confused. I believe that mental illness came into play when my spiritual journey became too much to handle, and I felt uncomfortable. Thats when I wanted meds.
I should also mention that machines, like cell phones, tv's even cars, seemed to not work while I was feeling most intense. It was weird. LIke my vibrations were so high fq. that it effected more than just me.

My experience has been very similar to your own. I've also been dealing with PTSD ever since my tour in Afghanistan, and it has made things very confusing the past couple years. Part of me still believes if it wasn't for the spiritual element that came with my "psychotic/manic episode", I would have never made it this far. Thanks everyone for sharing...

I became acutely manic when I was 22 and had several bouts of psychosis and I just remembered that part of it - my phone, my car, my computer, all were malfunctioning at the same time, or so it seemed to me. Maybe it was because our brains were moving so fast that we expected them to act or perform in a certain way but just weren't fast enough so it seemed like they weren't working.

On another note, I believe in God before the mania but I've never felt so close to him as I did then. My mania ended on an airplane where I took all my clothes off and tried to harness solar power through my hair that was in a bun on top of my head that I thought was my antennae. Luckily we were in route to Houston, to Menninger Clinic, where the do physical and psychological tests and you have a neurologist, a psychiatrist, psychologist, nurse, and case worker all looking at the same material and hearing the same story and helping you get a plan for moving forward. It saved me. I've been on meds since then. I had to go on an anti-psychotic bc I was so high (plus the mood stabilizer) but after 8 months I was able to get off the anti-psy and add an antidepressant. I haven't had an episode since and I feel great.

When I was manic and shortly after, when I still believed "bipolar" was just the way the world handled people who were chosen or special (like us), I didn't see why it was a bad thing. Didn't understand why everyone wanted me to stop or was trying to take it away from me. But then someone explained that that psychosis can get so high that you think (truly believe) you are Jesus or an angel and you jump off a building bc you believe you can fly. That's what it's dangerous. That's why it scares people. And once you become manic, and especially when you are that high, your brain can't understand that it's bad or dangerous. So you can't control it once it gets to that point. That's why I'm on meds. And now I take them bc I don't want to go back, not because my family wants me to take them. Though I did take them for that reason alone for about 2 months. In that two months is when my brain stabilized and I could see that time for what it was - destructive and dangerous. But for the longest time I wanted to feel that mania again. Sometimes I still do. But luckily I didn't hurt anyone in my path when I was manic. Idk how I didn't end up running someone over, getting raped or killed or going to jail.

Also, your brain is an organ just like any other organ in your body and some brains get sick.

Can you expand on this? Two separate occasions I became manic and during these episodes, I began experiencing delusions and these people that are close to me have been taken over by an angel and we have this immense connection where they are trying to tell me something important. While they are consoling me.

Wow! I have Bipolar II w/ psychotic features and can really relate to just about everything said here. I have also witnessed physical objects being turned over, and being left with physical scratch marks on my arms when attacked by demonic entities. There are just somethings that you know for fact happend and still believe was real years after. There is something more to this than people realize. The Latin root word for psychology is Soul, hints study of the soul. There are hidden truths in this world about the universe. This world is but a grain of sand on 1000 beaches, there is so much we could never fathom as a race in the physical realm.

You said "there is something more to this than people realize" I gave a brief history of my 40 years living with this illness but I have no idea how to convey all of the unusual encounters I have had with people over the years.Im my late teens and early twenties I was hospitalized several times and the most common reaction was that strangers thought they knew me and many of them became emotional,even though i had never met then before.It really freaked me out.The manic episodes became less frequent by the time I left college in San diego(24 years old)and I tried to convince myself i imagined them.I have maybe 5 since then (Im 56)Long story short I am convinced of 2 things 1)my perception of what's happening or said around or to me is real,its how I interpret stimuli that is altered by mania,2)- There is absolutely "something more to this than people realize" I feel like there is a world within our world,and this state of mania opens it up to us somehow.I have no one to talk to about this all i have are Kaiser med checks for 15 min every other month.My wife is awesome but not philosophical and she has her hands full with 2 teenagers.I have years of stories that I cant explain,but I have no doubt there is something behind the curtain so to speak.If anyone has thoughts or ideas me id love to hear them

When I read your story, I thought that maybe the best way for you to deal with your stories is to do journaling (writting up your personal and or spiritual experiences on a day to day basis when you feel like to) you can also write a book or a ebook and tell the stories that you already has in stores and share with others if you feel it would be interesting to share. I hope this advice helps you,peace :)

I feel the same way James. I was diagnosed 22 yrs ago. I've been hospitalized twice. Been married 21 of those years my wife has been supportive of me but since she is involved with the illness it brings her down & has regrets in some respects. To make this short 4 yrs ago I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. One yr after this I wanted to feel better I changed my diet exercised & started taking up running in that course of less than 3 no I lost 47 lbs. The distinct sensation was that I experienced a wave of emotions to tears running down my face to tingling Sensations throughout my body. I guess you could call it a healing crises but a spiritual enlightenment is more like it. It was as if I could finally see hear smell taste in a higher sense. Also felt connected with nature & our heavenly father like I never had before. In fact I've been searching for this meaning from all this as others didn't comprehend my events. Anyway I'm trying to get a video documentary of my story & have begun to start a book. Takes alot of energy & time. Let me know if you'd like to email or visit on this website. Take care we all need the comfort support & prayers. Best, Gregg

Relieving and alarming all at once that I can relate with most of this. The spiritual awakening is very difficult to ignore and usually keeps you involved until it is too late and you get busted and taken for treatment, or worse, charged with resisting arrest, all because you wanted to set in motion some assistance to the heavenly an normal world. seeing how the illness has me convinced there is something very present and very supernatural I cannot say it’s entirely fabricated in ones own mind. with mania experiences with my Christianity i seem to have divine chanellings and they usually become challenges/ expititions. Unfortunately these conquest are as relevant as they are hopeless so far (costing tens thousands). Sadly, I cannot ever seem to close purpose which usually has something to do with attesting to coming of Christ to the multitude and being a prophet of end times. Haven’t been proven completely false yet.

I guess, To be honest, the thing within scripture that has me the most curious is right in the Lord’s Prayer. On earth as it is in heaven. Is there parallel worlds between us. can we as individuals be “special” for the profound knowledge and supernatural cross overs of guidance, persuasion etc?
My most recent bout had me on planes Hawaii to NYC for no other reason than to change the world. Unbelievable things occurred- healing a person who was unconscious and not responsive on the plane (airline staff requested medical assistance but something gave me the feeling I could heal her with gods help). I touched her forehead with my thumb and Her eyes opened and looked right at me when. This is only the second time I felt the sacred heart of Christ. ie Holy Ghost in me. Literally feels like a second heart and they beat in unison.Other things with comets and scripture being too synced to ignore and relevant in real time to those current surroundings. doors locked, becoming open, spiritual manifestation in real time in host bodies around me (snow good, some bad) that seem to be trying my heart and my understanding of love and belief. Seems like a test, and I am always trying to think it through for what I believe it to be. Considering all this I don’t feel I have the spiritual power to truly engage and make these revelations exist it usually ends in my family turning me in or over for some drastic reason or another. During intense episodes I have other people interact these religious adventures as of aware of my openness and awareness. These can be for good or for bad.. usually those who make weird and unusual conversation are not believers, believers on the other hand are helpful and seem totally aware . One time When I reading isiah at the airport out loud, an African man about similar age dressed all in black, seemd
To challenge my speaking from the holy book. When I approached he told me that I needed to go to the hospital and he had a sheet of paper with what I thought was my meds
From a medical office Carmel (mount Carmel is where eliJah had his battle with the priest of ball)He was assumed to be evil, his character exuded that and his response to my public reading seemed almost countering my power with the dark power. Wish I knew how to cope, engage and fight the darkness but remaining assumed to be sane. It’s so real it cannot be completely fabricated

I meant to say bipolar I

It's tough because my therapist wants me to stay away from spiritual thoughts (all of my manic episodes culminate into a spiritual, biblical-themed psychosis) but that's where I usually find peace.

I can relate to the elevation of spiritual connection during mania and a complete cut off during depression (although I have a soft bipolar). This does make me question the authenticity of God, unfortunately, as I have only been a Christian for a few years, but the experience has been nothing short of amazing. I have been changed so much by it, and feel I have found what I have always been looking for.

I have been reading through a book on the Psalms every night, and I have to say David almost seems bipolar to me. He is up and down and up and down! He is dramatic and cyclical. But always has the underlying theme of gratitude and gives glory to God. I see much of myself in David. Maybe the experiences of God are not something to be ashamed of, or to blame on a "disorder".

The last depression I went through was triggered because I decided I was surely "healed" and went off my meds (super smart). In this time, I lost my connection with God and for the first time missed Him so much. So I learned something very important about pride from that. And also about how much I have shifted my dependency from this world to God. I didn't even know God three-ish years ago and now I was devastated without Him.

I have to think that maybe I ought to be grateful for the deep connection I am able to have because of my condition. For the spiritual gifts that come with it. It is intense and in that space I am able to help and minister to so many people. But I could never keep that pace, so there is a rest period that must come. And in the depression if I can follow Davids lead and continue to cry out to God and praise him, the darkness isn't quite so dark because I remember Exodus 14:14 that God is fighting for me, I just need to be still and wait till it passes.

Thank you for this article and opening up a seemingly shameful and misunderstood topic.

I can completely relate to what you described as “soft bipolar.” I am unofficially diagnosed but aware of the ups and downs. I love what you said about David. I find so much encouragement in the Psalms. I’m happy to say that the last time I started feeling myself getting more elevated, I was able to stabilize myself by talking realistically and talking to a family member. I have not experienced the horrible depression this time around and am so grateful to God for His peace. I also love the verse you quoted about God fighting for us. As I read your story and other people’s stories, I’m in awe of how good God is and in spite of the struggles that come with bipolar, it has brought people to faith in Jesus Christ and strengthened the faith of others. Keep pressing on! Hold firm to your faith. God sees you and knows you and loved you!

Wow! I can't believe I came across this page!!!! I have been diagnosed with bi polar II w/ psychotic episodes. I have had two psychotic/spiritual journeys within 9 months... I didn't not think I was Jesus... But I felt so connected with GOD... The first time I thought I was pregnant... The second time I had an episode was 9 months later and I thought I was pregnant again and giving birth to a pure child... Kind of like Mary... I thought I had been impregnated by a higher power... I thought I was saving humanity by sacraficing myself. I just remember my first episode wandering into the next door neighbors house and I found a statue of Jesus... Drift wood... A white tulip and the "forbidden" fruit... All in there back yard... I found those three frogs that "speak no evil... Do no evil.. Hear no evil..." It changed my life. I realized that we were all balls of light in a human form. I realized that we lived in delusional form of reality... I believe my heart... Body... Mind ... And soul were trying to break free from this world. It made me believe in magic... It made me want to look and examine the English language... I was like what do all these words mean... Like what do they really mean... Then I learned that abracadabra is Hebrew for "I create what I speak"

Let that sink in... I have more to my story but I have to get my thoughts organized... I'll come back and add more but let me know if anyone had a similar expierence...

In my opinion... It's not bi-polar... I think we are something much more special .... I think the government knows what we are and what our capabilities are...

"I realized that we were all balls of light in a human form. I realized that we lived in delusional form of reality" - right on

I have had VERY similar experiences. I wish there was a support group where we actually met and became friends. It is hard for others to understand and believe!

My second episode and third episode shared the same experience with you guys, I think I am god, Jesus. I was mad and was sent to a psychiatric hospital and a private psychiatrist respectively. I am glad I did much better now.

My only one episode was explosive! I knelt in front of the church before the cross and Jesus and just cried and cried!!The congregation looked on and let me cry! Will add on further details.

Thankyou for sharing your experience.

I can very much relate, my first manic psychosis was something spiritual. I was being chosen for some unknown reason, i felt powerful.

After some time, i wss hearing divine voices and demonic voices. I had been tasked with gifting, a higher power to a worthy human being. I spent weeks finding a pure subject. I approached the subject and explained my task, when i performed the ritual and nothing was transfered to the subject a downward spiral ensued.

The end point was that i hung myself in public and was duely sectioned. At the time like yourself i was unaware of bipolar and subsequently diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic.

My next experienxe with major mania came about a year and a half ago. The feeling of being chosen came back, i felt powerful, divine, gifted and creative.

I was being lead to study philosophy, which i did, i felt that i was connecting with ancient philosophers. Learning deep lessons.

One day i ran my hand over a fences rails and felt a transcendence surge through me, with each bump along the rails i felt my self project to a higher plane.

The writing and artwork i produced during this time was the best and most spiritually informed i jave ever produced.

This bout ended similarly to the first. However i gained some insight into my condition and spirituality.

I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 with psychotic symptoms. I agreed to medication and stuck to the stabilizers for about 8 months.

My life long associations with spiritual feelings drastically aubsided and i decided to stop medication.

I now see that i need to embrace myself fully, my power lies in my "mania" i do not want to deny my ttue nature anymore.

I have now dropped my masters degree in ecological science and have decided to commit myself to exploring ny deeper self. I am investing in an art studio and devoting myself to the pursuit of painting and writing.

The time is now. It could be said that i am currently manic, however in my mind i am waking up, becoming my true self.

Thankyou agaim for sharing. There is something extrememly deep and spiritual in mania and equally so in the depressive episodes.

We live in a society of labelling and diagnosis, the santisation of language and the hyper-rationalisation of everything. But when we say no to this we say yes to ourselves.

Yes to our power, embrace our dark and deep self, yes to taking the road less travelled by.

Yes to our power! This thread is making me realize so much ... again. Thank you all for your courage and strength. Take good care and stay grounded. I will do the same!

To peace and understanding in a volatile age! God bless us all and release us from labels we can not control!! AMEN ☝

Wonderful article and sharing/discussion - thank you!
What a trip, to have a brain wired like this. But what a beautiful gift, especially intellectually and creatively! I suppose we pay a price for it, but isn't that characteristic of our lives, flying from one state to the next, striving for balance and understanding? Seems like we get so exhausted from our spiritual/mental overload that it makes sense to crash and take none of that in while we're depressed.
I believe our brains get so over- or under-stimulated, that psychosis or deluded thoughts can come on in and warp things. I think we start out with good intentions, we are just such sensitive people with the ability to be triggered so easily.
So yes - this comes at a price for us. And the true price we pay is paying close attention to ourselves and learning how to care for ourselves and balance in the best way possible. Spiritually... that's also a price we get to pay, but we always manage to find our faith again. So how can that be so bad? :)
Much love to you all, and best of luck! Keep at it, and know that it comes and goes, and that deep down - you always know who you truly are. We never lose touch with that.

Thanks! I had a bit of a manic episode where everything was going right, and all the pieces were fitting together and I was in excstasy and then I had a moment where I stepped back and asked myself "Do I need to calm the heck down?" That scared the crap out of me and I did decide to quiet down because it's almost midnight and I don't live alone.

Now you guys might not believe this but my first manic episode happened when I was 16 right around the time earth was going through a gravity belt and we were entering the age of Aquarius, which I happen to be an Aquarius, at the time I did not know my lineage and a couple years later I found out that I'm a direct descendant of a disciple of prophet mohamed, during my manic state I could see Allah and iblis interacting with me through other people, at this point I realized that god and Satan or Allah and iblis are just two sides of the same coin, I'm still trying to learn how to tune out electron energy beings but I believe once I find balance within my mind i'll be able to tap into christ consciousness at will and also retain the knowledge

i totally agree with u bro. I have experienced just one manic episode. and I know that if we can get the balance between Satan and Allah side, we will get up to nirvana point.

This is all so relieving to hear. I was diagnosed bipolar 2, but recently had two bouts on manic psychosis. The first one had me thinking I was Jesus or sent by God to save others. This was very odd considering I wasn't really spiritual before. I felt as though my "chakras" could be controlled.
I thought nature could guide me and the wind could tell me where to go. I was catching rides with strangers a lot, pretending I knew them. I caught a ride to a church, to our local park. One time I even didn't speak at all, they thought I was deaf.
Anyways this (among other things) concerned my friends and I ended up seeing a couple in the park and they took me to the ER. In the ER the true psychosis kicked in and I thought I could communicate through whistling and I kept trying to start a dance party. When they handcuffed me to the bed I then thought it was a bachelorette party. There is much more but I'd rather not ramble on too much.

The second time I ended up in jail for spray painting a car (the spray paint was already there) and jumping up and down on it. I'm only 21 and being tried for a felony is very hard.

I'm stabilized( depressed) now, but I'm still searching for the close spiritual connection I had. I even started reading the Bible. I think bipolar is an integral part to my "soul" but I wish there was more social education.

Thanks for sharing your story. I have had 3 manic episodes. All of them were spiritual experiences. Never had depression after my manic episodes. I would feel powerful and so close to God, as if I can hear or feel Him thru song lyrics. The experience is wonderful. From my latest episode, I thought the world has ended and actually we are all gods but there is only one higher God. I kept saying glory to God in the highest while holding my aunt and bros hands thinking that were a trinity. It then went on to thinking that I have to love the devil. I also experienced feeling that my mind and stomach where empty but filled with minty air, it felt awesome and peaceful.

Anyway, I miss the sensations of feeling very close to God. I still believe in God now even tho Im not manic.

Thanks again for sharing your story and knowing that im not the only one.

I also have been diagnosed with bipolar ii and have recently been coming out of a medication induced hypomania. As I calmed down, my thoughts were a bit more clear, and I started journaling. I first started thinking about who I am vs. who other people are. This led me to looking at sociocentrism vs. egocentrism. Then, I started to think that if I detached from my ego, and went towards sociocentrism, I would be able to have peace, tranquility, a higher understanding of the truth, and lowered anxiety. Then I thought, wouldn't this be the epitomy of egocentrism? Because to detach from your ego, you are essentially saving yourself from the anxieties, and the madness of the world, and be better able to see opposing views, and bridge the gaps to help others. That's when I came to the conclusion that that true altruism doesn't exist in the animal kingdom. Which brought me to the next point that the reason it doesn't exist is because we are all the same. This, I believe, is the oneness that the Dalai Lama speaks of. For me to help myself is to help others, and for me to help others is to help myself. This to me seems to be similar to the infinity symbol that just keeps going around. I likened it to my bipolar. When I'm in hypomania, I am a helping others, when I'm depressed, I've used up so much of my energy, that I need to rest to help myself, and continue to believe this truth. I now know that to know this truth is to know God. I've been reading much about religions, and strongly believe this is the message that Jesus was sent here to bring, as he was highly enlightened. I didn't feel that I was Jesus, but had recurring thoughts that I could have come back in a reincarnated state as Jesus. I don't believe this to be true anymore, however I do think that those who "suffer" from bipolar, schizophrenia, autism, and borderline personality disorder all have this higher capability to know the Truth. I like to think its because we can reach parts of our brain that others either don't want to reach or are too scared to reach or that society has told them not to reach. I also learned recently that scientists have made the connection that schizophrenia, bipolar and autism are linked to the same gene. I think scientists are starting to wake up, to understand the truth. Science takes longer to get here, than other disciplines (ie. spirituality, philosophy, religion etc.). The one thing that I can't get over, is that all of these disciplines are actually the same thing. I think we, as humanity are desparately trying to find our purpose, and we are all doing it through different ways (ie. through studying different things). What I think needs to be done, is that all of these perspectives need to be put together so that we can all learn the Truth about who we are, and why we are here. I also believe that we are here to just 'be', as animals are in nature, as Adam and Eve were before Eve bit the forbidden fruit and fell from Grace. We are all trying to get back to the Garden of Eden for the purpose of ending the pain and suffering in the world. Anyways, I am fascinated by all of this and very happy that I found this page, to know that there are others who have also found the Truth, and are struggling to understand and to bridge the gap between our reality (society) and the truth about God, and the other energies out there in the universe.

Guys these are real we brought this in this lifetime. Our Doctors have no idea and that's fine . You know these are real don't let someone trained by text book with no experience tell you otherwise. You're here to help in the shift. I'm stable and have been for years and still have 5D experiences in my 3D reality. Love you

I have 3 things that I want to express: A response to Joe's comment, a sharing of my perspective, and a question to this foundation, doctors, or scientists.

Hi Joe, do you (or anyone else) know if long term lithium treatment has repressive effects on experiencing "5D experiences" or generally more blissful/intellectual/happy/curious states of the mind?

Aside from that, I also have something to share in this small, yet empowered community of people in this liberating comments page. I too have experienced a manic episode. Leading to this event, coinciding with some lack of sleep as a result of travelling and stress with school, I involved myself in some meditation/energy works that can be found online. One night in bed, I directed intention into the area between my eyes on the forehead, and suddenly felt a steady pressure on that area, accompanied by increase in heart beat intensity. Whether or not I may have activated some mechanism that alters a human's physiology or connects a human deeper to the rest of the world, I also felt the sense of connection and oneness, as described by many others here, towards absolutely everything in my environment. There was also really a feeling of unconditional love that I felt everything. My mental and emotional state was, however, unbalanced during this event and I had certain upsets along the way. After this experience, I found a book called "Conversations with God" and despite being very non-religious and even skeptical previously, the messages there rung true to my core, and rekindled the loving feelings and oneness I felt during my episode. Also, as another resource for those who are seeking them, try looking into so-called chanelled messages from benevolent extraterrestrials such as Bashar, Aridif, or Adronis. Even if one may believe ET's are bogus, their core messages may help many people who have experienced spiritual bipolar disorders. In their hypothetical communities in outer space, many philosophical and practical insights are derived on how to function in a whole and loving society (their axiom: Everything is One, literally, spiritually, and philosophically).

Lastly, as a question directed towards individuals working to further our knowledge on this disorder, I would like to ask whether a spiritual intimacy/awakening, or close feeling with all that is around them could be a symptom of Mania or Bipolar? Evidently, this seem to be a common theme between patients, at least the numerous ones here in this comment section.

Best wishes to you all, lets all live in our joys and passions.

Thank you guys for all the opinions...
I'm so happy there are other people in the world who experienced the same... I was twice in the mental hospital, first in 2014 and second in 2016 due to the fact I stopped taking my medication ...
I was so high, spending money, helping others , not sleeping in the nights, hearing everything in higher sense ... the birds singing, the water running in the pipes or extremely loud car engines... I saw good and evil people, it looked like we live in the heaven and hell at the same time ...
Felt connection with God after 35 yrs of living on this planet...
When they gave me medication I calmed down, however the depression kicked in ... I stopped taking it, simply thinking that nothing bad will happen to me and that I was "ill" thinking about God etc.
But ... in 2016 it has returned... I saw messages on Telly, the reporter or a movie star or presenter tried to tell me something ... I thought I was chased by some secrete service , they wanted to kill me because I know "their" secret about who we are and what God really is.
I booked a very expensive hotel room , didn't sleep well, the next morning I had a problem with concierge and because of my weird and over the top behavior they called police and I was submitted to a dr who assesed me and put me in the hospital.
Two weeks, loads of medication and returned to a normal grey reality.
Over a year gone and I feel so depressed, life has no sense etc. Crying a lot, not seeing friends, sleeping and eating, nothing more.
About month ago I reduced the medication ( lithium) and again started to think about all the things in the past.
I am not high, think I can control myself however I really believe there is something out there, bipolar is just a label.
Only think if the government hides it or also the doctors know what is really going on ...
Look how many ppl in the mental hospitals recently.
God bless all of you x

I've been in your shoes and resonate well with your experience and your conclusions after a decade of being treated. I've written a few articles on bipolar disorder and spirituality, as well as how bipolar fits on a cognitive spectrum, and I've been trying to disseminate them widely to help those who suffer and to help their families understand them better. I wish you the best in your life.

Brendan, Where can we find your papers? I'd be very interested in reading your work.


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