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Is Mania a Spiritual Experience?

I was eighteen years old when I first experienced acute manic psychosis. I had just arrived at the University of Georgia for my freshman fall semester when I suddenly had what seemed like a profound spiritual awakening. I felt as if I was waking up from a bad dream, as if my mind and body were merely figments of my imagination. I felt an incredible transcendence and oneness with the universe, an experience I could only fathom to be spiritual. Back then, I didn’t know anything about bipolar disorder. 

My first thought upon being struck with this overwhelmingly blissful state was, “This is what God feels like; I must be Jesus!” It was from there that I began my deluded descent into madness. I ran upstairs in my dormitory, assuming that my friends would be my first disciples, and tried to perform miracles to prove my divinity. When they attempted to calm me down, I punched one of them in the face, calling him the devil, and ran back downstairs. Campus police promptly met me in the dorm lobby and arrested me on the spot. 

On my way to jail, I was no longer feeling so ecstatic. In fact, it was the most excruciating fear I had ever experienced. I began believing that the police officers were the Pharisees taking me to my crucifixion. They placed me in my own jail cell, and I began stripping off my clothes, demanding for the officers to come look at my naked body. Throughout the whole experience, I felt almost completely dissociated, as if I was watching a movie of myself with little to no control of the actor. 

After a few days of trying to convince my parents that I was returning humanity to the Garden of Eden, they realized my condition might not be from taking psychedelic drugs as they had thought. I was escorted to my local psychiatric hospital, and once medicated, came down from my messianic mission to create heaven on earth. The only problem was, I had never been more certain of God in my life, and the clinicians just kept telling me that it was normal for grandiose delusions to take on religious and spiritual themes. I was not convinced. 

My thoughts immediately went to the biblical stories I grew up with: how God tested Abraham’s faith when he was told to sacrifice his son, and how God communicated to Moses through a burning bush. Were these not examples of delusions and hallucinations? Even Jesus was convinced to be the Son of God. Were the holy men of the Bible bipolar? I had a lot of questions, and my questions seemed to be forcing me to choose one side or the other—either spirituality or psychiatry.

It took me about a decade to finally integrate both truths and find some peace around my manic episodes. I studied spirituality and psychology, and I came to the conclusion that bipolar disorder and spiritual experiences didn’t need to exist in opposition. I’ve come to some basic definition of spirituality as the transcendence of ego. In this sense, mania was indeed a spiritual experience, albeit an unmanageable one. This didn’t mean my bipolar diagnosis was bogus, and I’m not saying all psychotic episodes are spiritual. But I can now rest easy knowing that my experiences were both spiritual and bipolar. 

If I’m honest with myself, a major sign of my mania is increased spirituality, but at the same time, a major sign of my depression is a lack of spiritual significance. Finding balance in recovery means that I am able to seek both spiritual and clinical solutions to my bipolar symptoms without fear that I am falling out of grace with God. When I was first diagnosed, I had the idea that either bipolar existed or God existed. There was no space for both. 

My spirituality has necessarily evolved over the years. Because of my history with manic psychosis, I have to guard myself against dogmatic or superstitious beliefs. I try my best to live a life of love, and I rest assured knowing that the more kindness I spread to the world, the more aligned I am with my spiritual path. Telling my story of recovery has become part of this spiritual process. My faith means a great deal to my health, and without it, my recovery wouldn’t be as strong as it is today. I hope that by sharing my story, others going through the same difficulties might not take so long to make sense of their own experiences. 

Chris Cole is the author of The Body of Chris: A Memoir of Obsession, Addiction, and Madness, and he’s a life coach for people in recovery.

Comments

first and foremost - thank you. This is so similar to my experience and how it's progressing.

Started about half way through first year uni; suspected I was jesus or some other 'chosen' individual; the link between bipolar and spirituality, The ever present choice of accepting it as a psychotic episode or an event with spiritual meaning...

article's got me feeling somewhat manic - hoping I can get in contact with you Chris!

I just want to start of by saying that your story s are amazing and truely reasuring . My first experience was triggered by a break up and losing my job I was 23 when this happened the doctor said it was a hypomanic episode. I thought I could hypnotise people, thought I was on a mission from God That I was the chosen one, studying maps thinking I was going to find heaven somewhere on earth. I am 33 now and still have these hypomanic episodes.. Although they are getting easier. I had little or no faith untill recently I had wat I can only describe as a stigmatic experience .. Where the only way to chase my demons away was to experience real pain.. It sounds crazy but true.. I have had spiritual experiences since I was a child and was brought up as a Roman Catholic.. I lost my faith in my teens when my mother got severely ill, this is where my troubles began.. I know I now have my faith back. When I get my depression my episodes are like clock work it's always from August to November weather depending. I still have nt got a proper diagnosis .. They physiatrist passes the book back to my gp then to a phycholigist ,counciling , cognitive therapy and so on.. I have refused to go bk to them and I only attend my gp now.. I am on lamictal now and I am very settled.. However I do believe that these spiritual experiences are real and not mania or hypomanic because people have witnessed them too.. My eyes actually change colour I become more attractive to people and very witty and charismatic .. People merely use me as a drug because my energy makes them feel gud .. I could go to anywhere in the world and people would be at my beck in call.. Not bragging and I do not feel superior to anybody in this world, I am a very accepting kind humble person .. My depression on the other hand is like hell on earth , I become extremely withdrawn people s faces look dark and drained the world itself is so hard to endure like a horrible nightmare that only ends when I sleep, this could last for up to 3 months .. I can truly say do that I have never contemplated suaside. When I am hypomanic I am extremely productive , confident with little need for sleep.. I could write books invent the most genius things. I have seen angels and wat I believe to be god in the clouds .. I have told many strangers all over the world there life story which would be exactly wat they have experience, my friends have witnessed this that's why I know I'm not crazy .. I Dnt know maybe I am bipolar but I truely think bipolar is a spiritual experience , and it depends on the persons true personality that determines the severity of there episodes.. The world can be a scary place and sometimes I think the evil and the goddness I see and feel is a true reflection of the person I'm looking at.. I have no issues with myself and I now love my life .. So I know the issues are not coming from within myself.. I have realised that nearly every creative person in history were said to have this so called illness including Florence nightingale, Christopher columbus and van gough. I feel blessed and cursed by this at times . But I truely believe both sides of the coin is gud.. I Dnt have a bad side even when I am close to mania... Anyways thanks again .

I really resonate with Claire's comment and i hope somehow she can get in contact as I would like to converse. Anyway great topic/shares...I have had 'hypomanic' episodes since mid twenties...I feel ecstatic and connected to everything...I feel life flows with so much ease and I'm.connected deeply to the universe, i can immediately read other ppl...the flipside of the coinhas in the past been dark low in mood and a lot of this comes out in my body due to supressed emotions etc...but I see how actually it is this time to be slow...to process unconscious layers/pains ...from this life and past...to find balance. I considered medication but I don't want to put chemicals in my body...stuff that (unless I was needing them). With awareness of my cycles and how to manage them (allowing the flow but staying grounded in hypo state-connecting with nature/yoga/slowing down breath/ exercising to release energy...I genuinely believe these states are inherited from a ancestral pattern of supressed emotion and pain...which we hold within our genes...and if not nurtured with awareness and understandunderstanding this intense cyckes of hyop/& depression can occur...with a lot of self love...staying slow. Good food etc...recognising patterns in each phase and just watching them. Allowing whatever is needed to EXPRESS yourself...expel the energy behind the supressed emotions that we all hold from ancestors then I assure you over time you can find balance too....and even enjoy the ride (now I'm writing this in a slightly heightened state but even if I was in opposing state of just sit with/nuture self and allow it to unfold...i believe we have been given this disposition as part of our jouney back to our natural state of bein...in which we are in balance and cleared of any old patterns that sometimes don't originate Sony from within.

I completely agree with what Clare has said. It's kinda creeping me out...down to a tee. How strange.

I was diagnosed bipolar at 18. It runs in my blood. My father is along with my aunt. I didn't know what I was feeling was mania but I somehow could sense things before they happened. I sensed my roommate was going to hurt me, and 3 months later he did. I sensed my father was going to abuse me, and he did. I seemed to know that things were going to happen to me, like I could stop bad things from happening to me before things went to shit. I can see these glows around people, and I know I'm not alone on that. I was put into a psychiatric center for suicidal thoughts and met a girl who was bipolar and had the same weird sense like I did(seeing glows, sensing things) all of that. She said that it was a blessing from God and yet a curse because we see people for who they really are. I have been right about all of the people in my life, knowing if they were good and bad. Sometimes it scares me that I'm just crazy. I feel so much, I feel everyones energy. If someone around me is anxious i pick up on it and then i become anxious. I get anxiety around some people for no reason, and i just somehow know i shouldn't be around that person, for no reason. I don't know if im just losing my mind or if this is part of my so called "sixth sense".

This is a higher form of enlightenment. The human body and mind are capable of so many great things if we didn't limit ourselves so much. Bipolar is just a label like so many others that are used to segregate the "normal" from the "enlightened". Do some research into chakras and karmic healing.

Hi Alexis,

My wife describes this very similarly to you. She definitely has some sort of premonition type ability, as during a 'manic episode' she predicted Donald Trump would be the next president as a reply to my asking her to give me an example of something she can see in the future. She was claiming to be able to see the future... This was several years before he declared his intent to run for office, and I dismissed it at the time, but did not forget it, and she was right...

She describes the same feeling people's energy as you do... She has not had a severe manic episode in a couple years now, and is currently weaning off lithium and pursuing natural healing... I think it would be great for her to be in contact with you as someone who has a shared experience and abilities... please let me know if this interests you... we are in the NYC metropolitan area...

Thanks!

My goodness, I thought I was losing myself. The only thing that gives me peace is reading or listening to music and books. I think we live in a era where everything is labelled I also think in the coming decades stigmas attached to Bipolar will be looked at from a positive light. We still don't know what the majority of the universe and our self is made of. Even if we say we're made up of 100% atoms, within the atoms alone there is so much space. Matter what matter are we made of exactly? In this form I don't think we can even come as close to touching the surface of what and who we are. We can guess, we can research but ultimately when it boils down to the MATTER we don’t know. Nothings is entirely solid either, what’s left are more like vibrational frequency than particles of solid matter. Anyway I’m glad I came across this article, its good to know I’m not alone.
Just remember none of this is special powers, no one of us is greater or more special than the other, everyone is made of the same matter.. we're just in different level of awareness. consciousness is evolving.

Just remember, it's not Him.. It's They. Show gratitude for those experiences, because they don't happen often. They are of another dimension and they chose you for that instant in time.

I've expercienced most of what was mentioned above. In addition to that I would be thinking of something or someone and they immediately call. Or I 'll be with group of friends and they say what I was going to saying at the exact time and they say it. In addition to than I've prayed for earthquakes because one the signs of judgement day is earthquakes and actually happend. In addition when I started showing signs of bipolar I started reading my bible to protect me because I felt their is a conspiracy theory from the Jews. I AM ok with now kind of. All this is behind me now. In addition very unprofessional things took place at work although I was an executive at the largest bank in us. I have an Egyptian backgroud so someone I work with came told you nailed the Jews because what they did to back in exodus. Then in couple of days he came told that the Jews are my people. there are so many more things to say. I think that bipolar is the change of the state of your brain ( no one can come and operate you to being totaly open when when any loose soul can come in and operate and dictate what you say any and do) one more thing a woman told me to call my mother and tell her that love because she has been been protecting Mr soul for 60 years ( her age) the moment the phone rang and after saying hello I heard the voice of rooster next to where she was I translated as Jesus Christ telling you are going deny your love to and replic with your mother and how has been protecting so I had up the phone.those and many many more things happens from being able to connect to the wind and and even human being and to order them to do things my heads of course thing will be done through God

I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar and have had a lot of the same symptoms with regard to god. I have been in the path of spiritual awakening for about 4 years and finally had a very dangerous psychotic episode from August until my hospitalisation in October last year. I could see spirits and I thought I had been sent to earth to rid it of evil where I fought off the devil and protected churches from the invasion on evil spirits. At my height I actually fell to my knees in my local church and cried for his forgiveness. I am on medication now and under a psychiatrist, my family have disowned me because they think I am “mental” but it truly was all a massive spiritual experience. I’ve been through hell really, it’s really comforting to read all your comments and realise I am not the only person chris’ article resonates with. I intend to continue on my spiritual path regardless of my manic episodes. Thanks again. Jane

Thank you for sharing! My story is very similar. I was fifteen when I thought I was the messiah sent to save humanity. I thought my death would bring the world an age of peace. I even pulled my best friend into this delusion. I got hospitalized, but I lied well. When I came out I was worse than ever. I believed the devil was good and God was evil. At that point, it becomes hard to tell what was psychosis and what was supernatural. My dad and brother could both testify to the poltergeist that occurred after. My dreams became like visions and I felt under attack at night. I saw red eyes and heard my name whispered. That experience turned me to God and to seek truth. I have since found peace with Jesus. But that episode and the events around it,were the stuff nightmares are made of. It felt good to hear a somewhat similar story and know someone else had a religious struggle with bipolar as well. ❤

Jennifer, The red eyes and nightmares occurred for me just after Christmas 2013. I too became incredibly religious and thought I was Jesus' sister sent on Earth to bring World Peace. Medical doctors constantly want to call my condition "bipolar" but that is not how I see things. My experience was spiritually based and I have turned to faith to help me heal. - Thank you for sharing your truth. I think there are many more of us out here that have experienced similar moments and finding each other and sharing our stories might be very healing.

December 2013 I too experienced the same occurrences. Early in the month I envisioned I was Jesus’ sister sent to bring “World Peace.” I also pictured working with Pope Francis to empower women in the Catholic Church.

Day after Christmas (Dec 26-31, 2013) I began a week of nightmares. Brief Nightmares that kept me awake for nearly 7 straight nights. Visions of my sister, nieces and brother in law buring in their house. Screaming from their living room window while I just stood on their lawn watching them ablaze.

Same week, with my eyes wide open at night my bedroom turned a red haze, the skyline outside my bedroom completely turned red, and a little white church on a hillside near our house truned red. Then my husband's eyes turned red and his talking was skewed, almost demonic. This coming from a man I adore and with whom we have shared a magical 14 years relationship.

The nightmares made me I feel like I was under a spiritual attack. The devil had entered my life. Trying to get away from the evil one I went to my rooftop and screamed to God to please take me to “save” my family and friends. To protect them from the “hell” I was experiencing.
Early in December I felt like I was God’s Daughter (Jesus’ Sister) and then at the end of the month feeling like I was living in hell.
How can this all be medical if we are all experiencing similar occurrences? - I so wish a priest was sent to be with me instead of the three doctors that observed me and drugged me up for the first two weeks of 2014. - A priest should have been allowed to document and video the medical/spiritual evaluation.

To this day I believe December 2013 was based on spiritual events.

I lived in a demonicly infested house as well. My father saw the red eyes, i experienced everything else. True evil. Many people experienced it too. I am also bipolar 1 but my extreme manic episodes that were considered psychosis ended when i left that house. I am now on meds that are stable and i dont go through those mood swings anymore. I actually feel like a normal person for once and its bizarre. That being said, after beginning school for polarity therapy i regained hypomanic traits but they are all spiritual. Look up POLARITY THEORY made my Dr.Randolph Stone. I know you all will resonate with this greatly. We are not wrong, the universe is extremly intracite and as we are bipolar, our receptors are more open in our brains. We sense things stronger than most and thats most likely why we also are intuitive and spiritually inclined. We are not crazy. Please, look into polaroty theroy/therapy. Its conformation. Also, evil is real. Dont play with it! Love to all of you.

Im 35 and i experienced this ezact same thing in tge begining of this month. I thought i was jesus sister. And michelle obama was going to bring workd peace. I was going to write a book about it. I didnt sleep for days. I was writting like crazy. Solving all problems of the world. I too felt everything in super hightened. Taste. Colors. I understood everthing. All the genious'were right. I thought i was a genious.I couldnt work. I thought all the people ive loved that were dead were giving me signs. I thought my dad had killed himself for me 18 years ago. My sacrafice. I thought jesus was wronh and i was right. I thought i was mother nature.I too had suicidal thoughts when i was 14. I am yet to see a doctor as the high wore off after about 2 weeks. I couldnt keep track of time so i dont really know how long it was. But i totally understand exactly what u saying.

Outstanding essay.

Hey Leo, I hope you are left with the truth that you can have spiritual meaning in your madness, that treatment and acceptance doesn't need to negate spiritual feelings. Mania is no joke, but I fear many are suffering needlessly, as I did, due to an inability to integrate the spiritual and clinical sides of their condition. It's like creativity--just because one is more creative during mania doesn't mean creativity is totally negated.

I had the same experience with a spontaneous Kundalini awakening, it physically felt as if my chakra centers opened up at once which put emotional and physical strain on my physical Body, i felt surges and rushes of chi energy coursing thru me, one thing is evident, my physical body couldn't handle the energy surges. thus triggering what i believe to be a dormant <bipolar psychosis>, at this point i thought i was a demigod, i was then hospitalized for 2 weeks and was put on anti psychotic medication ever sins...now i know what experienced was a Kundalini awakening aka <serpent rising> not allot of people believe in that sort of thing in western society, even fewer people understand it...just know as it turns out we are not the only people who have had these experiences...your not alone. and at this point im still in recovery from the psychosis i noticed that practicing every-morning breath awareness Meditation helps out a great deal in silencing the monkey mind which i believe is the root cause of the psychosis but i dunno im not a doctor...i do have some of m own theories on this subject as well if ou wish to chat sometime hit me up on facebook or something...take care chris & Leo good luck

My husband with through all of this. How can I help him? He thinks I'm on the other side he thinks demons or the devil is trying to ruin him.

This is exactly how I have experienced Kundalini awakening - surges of chi and a samadhi like experience. More than anything the experience is characterized by deep connection with everything (EVERYTHING) and the sense that everything thing...human, animal, vegetable, mineral, is a teacher. When attending to anything, I feel like I have some sort of connection to eternal knowledge. This happened more than once in my life before I began to learn the lingo/traditions around it. Because I have bipolar 2 in my family - I have had similar questions about the nature of my experience such as the "am I crazy" question.

I do not routinely discuss this experience with others. Partly because I anticipate the first response will be to think of me as "crazy." (Reasonable enough since I wonder too.) In circles of people who have greater knowledge of so called Eastern traditions, when I talk about my experience it almost sounds like showing off. It seems as though others have either not had this experience or chosen not to talk about it. The belief seems to be that only gurus have these experiences. I am no where near a guru and simply do not have a very ambitious pratice - just sporadic yoga and qigong classes. So I wonder, Is silence about it the better path until, if the day ever comes, I am more educated about all of this?

I have to say, it feels so good to hear that I am not alone. What can be particularly hard for me is that, when I am not in this state, I often feel like I am somehow failing. I feel like my teachers--those I am only aware of in a state of awakening, have abandoned me or possibly I have abandoned them - even though I yearn for their return. Like you, I have found the best way to take care of myself is to meditate and keep reminding myself to trust this process, but somehow I find it very hard to stay in a routine. (And, for the most part I am living in a setting where most people I interact with do not know about, and certainly do not trust, this process.) I would like to interact more with others who have have had this experience and, particularly, those who want their life's work to be more directed by the experience. Is there some sort of support group somewhere? Thank you so much for sharing, for reminding me about the importance of meditation. If you can suggest resources for more contact with others, I'd sure appreciate it.

Meg, I'm in a similar situation and it seems like everyone I talk to about it are worried that I belong in a mental institution, but I think there's more to it, I really, really do. But obviously it's hard to find anyone to discuss it with since they usually make me feel like the experience isn't valid and I don't want to begin to believe them.

Hi Meg,

I too had a similar experience as you described and after almost a year later I feel lost and confused about life. It would be great to discuss our experiences and hope you reach out to do so. You posted on my birthday and your post was closest to what I was experiencing at that time. For me it seems to fall greatly into the mysticism of the universe for me to have found your post.

Best regards,

James

Hi Meg,
I too have had episodes or experiences as you ha e described. I’ve had 3 hospitalisations ans all of them were characterised by similar spiritual experiences. I feel I can’t explain what I’m experiencing even to my closest friends or husband as I fear they will think I’m mad. I do feel like everything is a lesson and I’m taking in it receiving knowledge about the meaning behind the veil of illusion, true conscious awareness is what it feels like to me. But it’s like it’s too much to handle and instead I start letting my guard down, acting differently that usual and therefore end up being hospitalised. It’s almist like this everyday reality and the truth behind it all are splicing together and I get stuck thinking about all the meanings and lose track of everyday ‘reality’. My creative th is extreme...then as I come down to earth it’s hard to accept, especially a few weeks later when I realise all the extreme things I was thinking, the connections I was making weren’t real. It’s very confusing. My recent episode was due to lack of sleep after the birth of my first bub. I’m now in the aftermath of it. I’m a yoga teacher, I believe in the spiritual path but at times I feel like I’m just crazy, that I have this pathology and as a consequence that is my dharma. I would love to connect with those who have a firm hold on reality but have also experienced the spiritual during their episodes, because I’m trying to make sense of it all. I do feel that I had new levels of awareness but also that I didn’t have the ability to control my mind and experience... balance isn’t always easy. But I do know a daily practice helps.

Yes your not alone i have had a spiritual awakening to

im a hero

Have you done any research on this topic? My manic episodes are always spiritual. I wonder why. Is there a neurological explanation?

I've done some research on the overlap of psychosis and mystical experiences. Some people seem to have mystical experiences with psychotic features, and some seem to have psychotic episodes with mystical features. There's a lot of gray area, and I tend to think that it is up to the individual to make meaning or spiritual significance out of their experience while also recognizing, accepting, and treating disorder.

Hey Chris my name is Kyle. I have had almost word for word experience except I thought I was Adam and my wife Mae was eve and she was in Japan and I had to kiss her to send the devil to hell so I could bring heaven to earth. I have been having a lot of trouble finding my meds that work. If you don't mind would you share with me meds that helped you find a balance, thank you

Thank you! I am also a strongly spiritual Christian with bipolar disorder (II), and this is the first time I have seen spiritualism and mental illness addressed so reasonably! Most mental health specialists I have come across believe that my faith is a manifestation of my bipolar, and many people of faith think mental illness is a sign of a lack of faith. I struggled with that during the dark years when I was being treated for unipolar depression. I am glad that things have fallen into place for you, and for me. Keep on talking - there are many people, I believe, who need to hear your message! Best wishes to you, along with my prayers.

I didn't think I was Jesus, but certain I would be the next Billy Graham when I was ordained a Southern Baptist minister when I was 19. Since I was told by others of my demonetization I could pray my way out of major depression, my bipolar grew into chronic adultery and alcoholism--not great attributes for another "Billy Graham." After diagnosis at age 43, I was convinced I was called to be a Catholic priest. The hospital chaplain told me that wasn't possible for a number of reasons, including not being a Catholic. Oh well, mania is kind of spiritual, isn't it?

I'm pretty late in seeing this lol, but my experience years ago was pretty similar to all I've read so far. I'm just now looking into it being a spiritual awakening, I think maybe it is, but I agree with the author, you need to be able to keep it under control and still live in society, as messed up as society is, we're stuck in it. As far as praying it gone, I've had people in the church tell me that too, or just run away scared, for that and many other reasons I'm no longer Christian. Most of my life I was rather manipulatively forced into rejecting any spiritual explanation, now I like the idea of an empath, its kind of a new agey idea, but I don't agree with all new age thought, and I don't think you have to agree with or follow all of any belief system, especially if you're treated like this man and I alike have been treated. I too am from the south. If christianity is your choice, great, but other religions are just as possibly valid, like the man who believes in what sounds like hinduism. I would mostly say think about what you are believing in and study outside sources for a clearer point of view, and look outside yourself a little, most are saying they have a sense of what's good and true, trust this intuition but test it as well, because sometimes it really is just your symptoms talking, nothing to be ashamed of, like he says, find balance

My mind is blown by this. I've had 5 manic episodes. The third one was almost identical to the one you described. Thank you for the insight. I really appreciate your story.

I am bipolar 1 and frequently cycle. When I pray how can I distinguish God from the "voices" spinning in my mind as I am in a manic state. I pray, and listen but am so frustrated because I cannot tell if I am in a conversation with myself, or God. I am a Christian. Thank you for your blog. I could relate.

I can't distinguish either, even when I am stable. The voice is always in my left ear and tells me to shut up or say something. When I am manic it's more inside my head and heart. It's so strange. Do you have a way you hear things?

My first manic episode happened after trying to read A Course in Miracles and other spiritual material simultaneously. This was 2 1/2 years ago and I was arrested for making a false police report. I was claiming to know who the anti-Christ was and desperately tried to get to the white house to tell the president that A Course in Miracles was the true word of God. My mind was completely gone. I learned the truth about my illness and that I needed to take medication as well as get intensive outpatient therapy. I have totally learned to accept that being bipolar is my cross to bear. Regardless, I know God is real and he cares about my situation. I still have to do my part. Bipolar is different for everybody and it takes a lot of patience. Spirituality is definitely one of my triggers. Thank you for sharing your story!

You are right, Kita! I so agree with you :)

My experience is of a spoilt and childish god who tries to hurt me (in depression) and in hypomania ( I have not experienced mania) of an urgent need to share the wealth, by giving away money I do not have.

Thanks for sharing, I have been trying research and figure how the two are correlated.

I was recently diagnosed as Bipolar I am not sure if it is 1 or 2 plus ADHD. For me I am more up then down. My lows last a day or two max and my highs last for months. I have been on meds to control the condition up until when i had a reaction to them and decided to try and control it naturally under the care of my Psychiatrist. So far so good I have had 2 months medicine free but not symptom free. For me my Bipolar makes me overly optimistic I love everyone I see silver linings everywhere. And Jesus is like all that and then some. However my high keeps escalating to the point where i don't eat and sleep and that is when the disassociation with reality begins. To counter this I am doing daily Bible devotional reading my utmost for his highest by Oswald Chambers. And when the bipolar hits I counter it with keeping a schedule, the word of God, common sense and sleep and eating right for my blood type. Initially i was depressed now i am hopeful. And i am enjoying the journey knowing God will not allow me to go through more than I can handle and all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. And since I have no intention of perishing because of lack of knowledge I read up on Bipolar and I make sure i seek to understand the word of God to be prepared. For me My Bipolar is both my Blessing and curse. But the more I get closure to God I see it as a blessing that needs refining and control. And he is more than able to fix me if I need fixing so in him I choose to be still knowing his God. " The being still part dont come easy... wink wink."

Hello. I came across your post and it along with all these other posts have confirmed many of God's answers to questions I have had about my own struggle with Bipolar Disorder and ADHD.

My friend is bi-polar and is also very spiritual i think a lot of people thinks shes mad, but she sees people and pets who have passed over,I totally believe her.

When I was in the psych ward for my first full blown manic episode, I thought a man on the ward was Jesus. There was an activity room with a pool table. One evening I was shooting pool with him. My sister called and I told her I couldn't talk because I was playing pool with jesus!! She said, Gee- I wonder who's going to win that match! Now that I'm stable, I know who the real Jesus is and I love Him.

I really needed to read this Chris, as well as the comments! I have struggle with mania and religion, what's real and whats delusional. It has been for several years. I feel like because I was so delusional about God and it seemed so real that God made a fool of me! Because my response to the mania was more prayer and devotion and a truly heartfelt love. I have serious trust issues with God that I am struggling with!

Chris, your story has so many similarities to mine! When I am manic I am very prayerful and delusional at the same time. Can't understand why God allows it to be this way. I feel duped and have a hard time trusting ANY religious aspirations when I am stable. I thought my experiences were so true at the time. I miss most of them. But there were some thing I can't talk to anyone about. I was so confused and talked to different priests. Didn't find much understanding or good counsel. I think they just didn't get me, it's ok. I am very thankful for this post and the comments.

I was diagnosed bipolar after coming off a 30 year drug addiction. I at one time felt something was trying to tell me I was Jesus but could never accept that because of shame in my life over many issues including sexuality. It was the first time in my life that I felt like something greater than myself loved and actually saw me. I have had many paranormal experiences since. The day I was picked up and hospitalized I was writing all sorts of predictions and warnings earlier in that day of natural and other disasters. Just about everything caused by nature happened including a major flood where I stated a city would be under water. At the same time a phenomena what I now know as synchronicity began. It started with seeing number sequences and from there coincidences with astronomical odds began occurring. They took me off meds over two years ago now and I am 3 years drug free. Some days it's hard, I have to watch myself around superstitious things and avoid the news. The world can be pretty crazy and I have to keep control of my mind. The one thing that has continued is that I get little snippets of things that show me things coming in the future. I would find myself taking pictures of odd things and the suddenly they would correspond with new things that cone into my life. I find I have strange connections with schizophrenic people. There is definitely some spiritual element to bipolar and schizophrenia. I could write several books on coincidences which defy belief. I think too that bipolar is different for everyone. I've often thought about the commonality of so many people feeling like they were Jesus and I have come to one possible conclusion, we all were, because we all came from the same source. 7.5 billion of us thinking we are all separate beings, or living that illusion. I havr also wobdered if perhaps Jesus was bipolar. There are other days i think perhaps God and the devil are the same energy. If something positive was made out of noth8bg the its opposite would have to be made, so the sum still equalled 0. I know this, something greater than me knows everything that is ever going to happen and he proves that to me multiple times a day. I'm curious if there are others that feel physical / perhaps kundalini energy. I am a walking divining rod.

Hi Mike...you wrote this post awhile ago and I just read it. I had a spiritual awakening in Dec 2012 and was put in a mental health facility for having a manic episode but I knew I had just "woke up" and remembered God. I knew Jesus and I were One. I knew that we are all One with absolute certainty. I also felt a strong connection with schizophrenics. Everything is mind and the "mentally ill" are more open and less controlled by ego. I want to send you and others like us lots of love and validation that we know the truth and can truly be free....praise God!

I have seen a lot of odd things after being out of hospital it's like I predicted the future
When I think about things it becomes true ! It's god
I feel awakened
I am Muslim and my manic episode.was like death experience in Islamic POV
I told some one that he is Jesus
And I really kinda feel that the end of the world is near
Idk but I feel like bipolar people are kinda chosen they are miracles and a clue that God exists
We are from the same soul regardelss the religious beliefs

I am 55 and was daignosed manic/deppressive when I was 17 and had my first episode of mania when I was 15 at boarding school, sent there by my parents who did not understand my exaggerated teen age response to a break up with my first girlfriend.I did not either.My father was wealthy and a loving man and in the next few years took me to expensive psychiatrists where I was diagnosed,It was rare at 17 to be diagnosed with manic/depression in 1977 it seemed.I have been hospitalized around a dozen times over the 40 years Ive lived with this illness usually for 1 to 2 weeks.this is the first time I have researched the spiritual experience tie-in because there were some experiences beyond the ,"I am Jesus" and special powers etc that i cannot explain although I had the same type thoughts as many of the posts before me.I still have faith,i would not have survived without it.I had a great father and have caring siblings who have always been there for me.I had no idea there were sites like this.Its been hard but ive been married 24 years have two kids and been with same company 16 years.I have achieved stability despite the periodic (vacations)Its great to share,I wish everyone who struggles with this illness and whatever happens keep moving forward,never give up.You will make it through.

I too have had bipolar psychosis. It's scary and I can understand why people in the comment section have said they feel a little betrayed by God. Of course when you take a step back you realize it's your brain that's sick rather than something God did. I have found that writing my thoughts in a journal helps. I address the journal to God, but I don't focus on him while writing lest I have delusional voices. I figure this way I can pray yet not get overly spiritual and have problems.

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