For many years I have carried a huge weight on my heart, my soul and my mind. While I was battling my bipolar illness six years ago, many things happened in my life that were an outcome of my illness but not typical of my true personality, values and morals. I not only disrupted my own happy life at that time, my actions disrupted and hurt everyone in my life. I never meant for that to happen, but it did.
Six years later, I still felt overwhelming regret, pain, guilt and shame for not getting treatment sooner and for letting my illness control my actions. I have forgiven myself. I know that my Lord and many of the people I hurt during that time have forgiven me as well. With that being said, there are still family members who choose to hold me at that place in the past and I have let that continue to hold me back. No matter how hard I have worked over these past few years to get healthy and prove the true me, my past has continued to haunt me.
It’s time to let go. Let go of those people, let go of the memories, let go of the past. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. When mistakes are made in our lives, it is up to us to learn our lesson and do it better in the future. If we choose to hold ourselves in a bad place of the past, which is no longer our present, then getting to the best future will be difficult and painful. Learn the lesson, let go, move on and be who we are truly meant to be.
I realized recently that I would never be happy if I didn’t let go. Now, I choose to let go, to be the happy me, even if it means letting go of the people that I love who will not forgive me. The past cannot be rewritten. It leads us to who we are meant to be. At the same time, we cannot let it hold us back, continue to cause us unnecessary pain, guilt or shame or prevent us from a happy future.
I have read and heard many stories in addition to knowing my own. A mental illness can create so much darkness. Yet, I truly believe that if you set your mind, your heart and your soul on recovering, you will come to the end of the tunnel of darkness and into the beautiful light of your life.
Until next time –
Andrea Piekarski-Susalla :)