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I Am Not All Lies

I was once a compulsive liar and it is something that changed people’s perceptions about me. I am not a compulsive liar anymore, but I can tell when my parents, my sister, my friends, and even my doctors question whether what I tell them is true. Some of us struggle with our past and our mistakes and we have to face those mistakes but it brings me down knowing I lost friends and some family by doing something I ironically did so I could be alive. 

Lying is a touchy subject because we are playing with people who may believe something is one way, and we tell them what they know is the truth as being wrong. We play with their mind, control their reactions, and actions as we sit there most likely feeling some excitement inside that our lie is believed. I want to say my lying was special but at the time I most likely could have dealt with my scary mood swings in another, possibly more responsible way. 

As I began to work through these lies with my therapists I began to see that I had a purpose with what I chose to lie about, but to me it is a weird concept knowing that I truly did have a purpose with my lies. What would my life be like if my lies had continued? Is there any difference between me and a person who compulsively lies for most of their life and doesn’t get help? And what about a person who is addicted to lying? 

Bipolar is dehumanizing, and for me my lying, even though it had a purpose of saving me from myself in one perspective, was also dehumanizing. That is the hard part about something like bipolar because just like lies, our actions can build up until we do not know who we are at a million different levels. We feel the need to sort out who we are, so like any sensible person we explore our world, tweaking it, and making ourselves comfortable in this black hole of the unknown by lying, by experimenting with drugs and alcohol, overworking ourselves, or treating others who love us as though they are play toys. 

Our brain is supposed to work a certain way, and when someone is struggling with a mental health condition, many things present themselves as though we are stable, but we react to these things differently compared to a stable self. This means that something else (our brain) is making the decision to lie, to take drugs, or to participate in risky business. Of course there is a time where we are taking medications, and we have to challenge ourselves to battle what our brain has trained us to be comfortable with, but these things that many people accuse us of doing purposely are in fact pleas for help. 

In college I was unknowingly sick and I socialized with people that I called friends both as myself and my “bipolar self” – myself with a twist. As my bipolar became more prominent I began to define myself as my bipolar self through lying to myself and to others. I had to lie to conform to the stigma that I believed to be true: that mental illness was proof I was weak thus confessing or asking for help was too embarrassing. The truth we all should think about is what someone else would do in our position. All I was trying to do was survive, and unfortunately I found survival in my lies. 

The truth is that we are who we think we are. I am a loving, compassionate, studious, comical, and committed individual towards anything and everyone I know. My lies and early signs of bipolar may have painted a picture of an unworthy, inhuman individual but I do not deserve the application that I am a liar and that I will only be a liar. All I am is someone who wants to live a fulfilling and adventurous life like everyone else and bipolar to me is a challenge in my life that I simply have to deal with. As Helen Keller once said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all”. We all are living a daring adventure, and in doing so, through our mistakes and challenges that bipolar may present us, we are better individuals for putting up with it all. 

Comments

Hi
I feel this because I also do stupid things, I created fake Facebook profiles to talk to the people I was dating because I never felt I was enough, I lied about stupid things that I could have told the truth about and I emotionally detached at times because I didn't know how to handle my emotions I did delete all the Facebook profiles etc eventually but it didn't change the way I felt inside and I recently lost a four year relationship that I don't know if I can ever pull back and I blame myself because I didn't seek help and because of this I was left feeling like I had no way forward so the lies continued until my ex had enough but I never did emotionally open up to her and tell her how I felt and once again I can't find a way forward

I went through similar things - through my teenage years (12-15). They ranged from tiny lies to larger ones. When I think back now they seem so stupid but give me anxiety knowing I actually said those things!

I lost my fiancé and her daughter in March. She is bipolar. She hid many things from me and cheated more than once. She acknowledges mistakes but insists she doesn't lie. Things got so bad friends and family on both sides took notice. She moved to another state and texts once a week about wanting another chance. I want to say yes but can't trust her now. Almost everyone tells me know including her own family. What can help her? Doctors just push more and more medication. I don't want to turn my back.I know she is sick. I still want to see the good side.

Mike, my name is Kaitlyn. I am bipolar like your loved one. Wow sometimes still feels weird to say that. It took a long time for me to accept my diagnosis. I did to my fiance what yours did to you. I cheated. I came clean to him after some persuasion. What your fiance should try is cognitive behavioral therapy. That helped me exponentially with the lying and risky behavior that comes with mania. Know that she is not lying to you by choice. She may be lying to protect herself. She may be lying because to her lying is keeping her alive. But she can re-train that behavior. That's what CBT is great for. It's therapy in a classroom setting. She can learn why she lied, why she cheated and learn ways to safeguard those behaviors from happening again. True love happens once. If you love her fight for. My fiance saved my life..how you ask? By choosing to stay.

How to you convince someone to get help. This guy I know has been on meds before for bipolar and went off. How do I convince him to go back on them?

I have 4 siblings. We are all close in age and I have a great relationship with all, but one. My sister has always been "quirky" even when we we kids she would do things that were outrageous or just "weird", almost like a cry for attention. One time in particular, when we were skiing she jokenly (?) turned down the most adavaced hill and ended up snapping her arm in half. By high school she had lost all her closest friends, im not sure why, but maybe because of her lying. Fast forward about 8 years, she has two unplanned children and a serious problem with alcohol. My family is very close and supportive so we have done everything we can to help her with the kids, in doing so, I fear we have enabled her dangerous behavior. We are now in the worst situation we have ever been in; my sister was charged with public intoxication after binge drinking all morning at the pool while she was alone with her young kids. My parents have emergency custody of the kids (because of her failed marriage the father is not close) and my sister is fueled with anger. She is beyond angry. She has never been diagnosed with bipolar, but after reading these articles and some failed depression treatment over the years I think she might be. Her lying is so grandiose that it couldn't possibly be a lie, but then it is. We hang onto her "happy" days because they are so good, but then crumble with her "I'm just really tired" days. And the worst part is the kids. They have suffered the most from us urging her to be independent. Please offer me any insight or advice. She is so angry at our family for "taking her kids away." And I'm fearful for what will happen when the anger fades and she enters a sad state. the only way for her to get the kids back is to get well with proper treatment. Thank you in advance.

I have listed some of International Bipolar Foundation’s resources as well as a links for finding a therapist and support groups near you. Check out: http://ibpf.org/article/what-do-if-you-think-someone-might-have-bipolar

 

Psychology Today – Psychology Today’s website has a wonderful therapist/psychiatrist/ treatment center database that allows you to search various parameters. For instance the link below leads to a list of therapists based on the criteria of being located near you and treating Bipolar Disorder.  You can play around with the parameters for more options. I suggest calling and interviewing them before booking an appointment to see if it’s a good fit. Some common questions may be: Have you treated Bipolar Disorder patients before? Are you familiar with current medications/ treatments for Bipolar Disorder? Will you work together with my therapist/psychiatrist?

https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?sid=1495234728.5723_785&zipcode=84041&spec=168

 

https://psychiatrists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?sid=1495234781.5365_785&zipcode=84041&zipdist=30&spec=168

 

Treatment Centers:

https://treatment.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?state=UT&spec=168

https://healthcare.utah.edu/uni/specialty-programs/treatment-resistant-mood-disorders-clinic/

 

Finding a support group:

 

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – Free General consumer and family support groups: https://namigo.org/programs-events/support-groups-2/ 

 

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA): DBSA has peer led support groups for individuals, friends and family for Bipolar Disorder:  http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=peer_support_group_locator

 

Online support groups

7 Cups of Tea Online Therapy and Counseling: http://www.7cups.com/

Mental Health America Online Support Group and Discussion: https://www.inspire.com/groups/mental-health-america/   

 

IBPF Resources:

 

IBPF Book:

Healthy Living with Bipolar Disorder book An overview of all aspects of living with bipolar disorder, including nutrition, medication, travel, and more. Available in PDF (attached), Kindle or hard copy.

 

IBPF Webinars:

We have over 200 free recorded webinars on various topics surrounding bipolar disorder at http://ibpf.org/articles/educational-videos   

 

Examples of some of our webinars:

http://ibpf.org/mental-illness-mental-wellness-story-hope-and-recovery  

http://ibpf.org/bipolar-101-how-manage-bipolar-disorder-day-day   

http://ibpf.org/being-woman-resilience-bipolar-disorder-resiliency-mind-body-and-spirit  

 

Examples of our blogs:

http://ibpf.org/blog/are-you-ready-diagnosis   

http://ibpf.org/blog/advice-newly-diagnosed

http://ibpf.org/article/what-do-if-you-think-someone-might-have-bipolar

http://ibpf.org/blog/explore-your-options-affordable-psychiatric-care

http://ibpf.org/blog/staying-afloat-during-depression

http://ibpf.org/article/self-management-techniques-bipolar-disorder  

 

I hope these are helpful. Feel free to contact mleigh@ibpf.org if you have any other questions.

 

 

Hi I have a child with bipolar. On meds now. But she is constantly lieing and I don't know how to deal with this issue. Any suggestions?

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