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Disclaimer: the purpose of this blog is not to discourage you from taking meds, but to be informed about the meds you take and to be open with your doctor about the side effects you experience. I haven’t always been full of self-confidence or high self-esteem. Like most people, I have struggled with these issues at some point or another in my...
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I’ve recently been discharged from a psychiatric clinic for a depression episode. I’ve been writing and thinking a lot about my current state as well as my experiences within the clinic, but mainly what I want in my life. This piece touches on my state of mind post-discharge, and is centred round my thinking of being worthy of being called a...
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Six weeks ago I relapsed from my addiction recovery and, subsequently, from my Bipolar Disorder recovery. The two are so intertwined that a distinction can barely be made by me or my mental health team. When I use substances I also quit taking my medications.  When I quit taking my medications I am more likely to use substances to control...
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We all have scars, scars from our past, scars from pain. We’re all on a journey, a journey we did not choose. Some of those scars are emotional scars, while others are on the outside. Our scars tell our stories. They reveal what we have been through and where we have been. They reveal the strength we all have deep down inside of us. So many...
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A few months ago my mood tipped the scales into hypomania, dangerously verging on mania. This is an issue for me because once hypomanic I very quickly become chaotically manic. Fortunately I wasn’t bad enough to lose all insight and didn’t stop taking my medication which most definitely would have ended in psychosis and hospitalisation. It...
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A New Normal

April 20, 2015
I have been relatively stable for almost six months now. For me, that’s huge. I still have small bouts of depression here and there or times where my anxiety spikes and my thoughts race, but so far it’s all been manageable. So, why then, do I feel so miserable? The problem with attaining stability after being unstable for so many...
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The Lyrical Caregiver

April 16, 2015
"Music washes away from the soul, the dust of everyday life"- Berthold AuerbachGrowing up, music was a big part of my household. Not that any of us played musical instruments but just, enjoying it. Dancing around the house. Singing at the top of our lungs. We all had different tastes in music. So the house was filled with different genres. Let’s...
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Psychiatric disorders can cause a multitude of problems that would be very difficult for a person without a psychiatric disorder to deal with.  If you have a psychiatric disorder, it is even worse. I have a friend who like me has bipolar disorder and primarily gets depressed. Let us call her Margaret. Five years ago, Margaret lost her...
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Do you ever feel like while you’re having a mood swing that you are trying to say something but it’s just coming out wrong? Back when I had my horrible mood swings I always felt like there was something that I was trying to say, but it wasn’t coming out correctly. I quickly found that yelling might have made me feel better in the moment, but...
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Importance of Me

April 15, 2015
This past month I have been trying to hone in on my emotions as there is much going on in my life-two part time jobs, part time student, moving, and my upcoming wedding in May.  I filled out my mood chart indicating I am between feeling “normal” (or what I call mainstream) and mildly depressed.  I know there is a lot of “good” going on,...
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